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By HERWriter Guide June 10, 2011 - 9:50am

Thanks to gurpreet for starting this Group!

Are you in a relationship that's leading to marriage? Do you have concerns or advice to share?

We'd love to hear from you!

By HERWriter Guide October 1, 2011 - 7:28am

Hi Lyennel

Thanks for your post!

I really can't say if your jealousy is due to having been abandoned by your own farther. I don't know if jealousy is the right word - perhaps a deep regret and sadness? That these kids are getting what you did not?

Remember it's good that your boyfriend is great with his children; it's a good sign that he'd be a good father to your own children if you have any with him. But also remember that a man who has multiple children with multiple women is showing that he doesn't stick around after he makes babies. Instead of becoming his wife, you may become Baby Mama # 3, or 4 or whatever the number will be. His history isn't that great, in that respect.

The thing that many women (and men) don't like (and it's very understandable) that when with a partner who has established a life before you - with other women, and now with children. But you know this going in, so now is the time to decide if you want to stay and make this your life too.

If you love him, and you sound like you do, ask yourself if that love is enough. Because that feeling can be tested when at least half of his life belongs to other families. You need to find a way to accept this because you know right now that this will never change.

I don't want to sound pessimistic at all. Blended and mixed families are everywhere and work quite well, but they have automatic complications that really don't go away.

Of course things would be better if he didn't have kids with other women. He would be all yours and you'd be all his! But this isn't the case. Does he know how you feel? Does he understand the position you are in?

Your relationship can work out very well but both of you have to have realistic expectations and great communication.

Let me know what you think!

October 1, 2011 - 7:28am
By September 29, 2011 - 1:16pm

I know it's hard retro girl but if u really want this relationship to work you have to work for it. If you love your man fight for him but you need to know if it's worth it first.

September 29, 2011 - 1:16pm
By September 29, 2011 - 12:24pm

Hi Susan. At present i'm in the same situation, my boyfriend has kids with other women, and it drives me crazy. I know he love his kids and i respect that but sometimes i fell as though things would be better if he didn't have kids. Is it wrong of me to think like that? i have nothing against his kids but it's just that when i see him with his kids i get jealous. Does this have anything to do with the fact that my own father abandoned me?

September 29, 2011 - 12:24pm
By HERWriter Guide August 28, 2011 - 4:57pm

Hi retro1girl

Thanks for your post!

First things first - for you to enter marriage with happiness and confidence, you will need to fix the problems you already have. Why would you marry someone with "baby mama drama", who has yet another baby mama and someone who "doesnt listen my opinions or even respect what I have to say". When I type it out like that, it makes sense not to get married yet, right?

Problems don't go away with marriage, and marriage will never solve issues that were there beforehand. Your boyfriend has a lot of baggage which will become your baggage if you marry. I'm not advising you not to get married but you have to work things out first.

As for any drama - your boyfriend has brought all that on himself for having multiple children with multiple women. Watch very carefully how he treats these women and his children because you will be mama#3if you have a kid(s) together and he will treat you the same way.

You need to be able to take care of yourself and not depend on him. Is there a large difference between you two?


August 28, 2011 - 4:57pm
By August 8, 2011 - 3:56pm

I am in a relationship that is leading to marriage. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. He has a daughter that is 6 years old and he found out a few months ago he has a son that is 9 months old. I have no kids of my own. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage for a while. We decided a wedding is too expensive so we are going to the court house to get married and just having a big party to celebrate. Sometimes I feel like he doesnt listen my opinions or even respect what I have to say. To me they are valid concerns but he just blows it off. And his baby mama (of the 6 year old) likes drama, and she may love him still? I love this man and want this work. Sometimes its so hard. Good thing is, He loves me and takes care of me.

August 8, 2011 - 3:56pm

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