Facebook Pixel

Sex and Relationships Join this Group

boyfriend NEVER wants to have sex

By April 27, 2012 - 6:31pm

I need SOME HELP. I have been with my boyfriend almost a year now, we moved in together about 3 months ago. Lately he has been abusing prescription pills because he is in pain, and has 3 pinched nerves in his shoulder. WE fight more than ever, he says he will stop taking them. My part is I say if you are in pain, take them, then I go back on my word.
I feel like we are growing up, and sometimes we are so close. HE never wants to have sex anymore and if we do, which is rare, it is maybe a minute. Or he will want a blow job, if anything.
I feel SO disgusting, insecure, and unattractive. HE tells me he loves me, he is attracted to me, but nothing changes...
HELP. What is really going on??

By Blogger May 8, 2012 - 11:41am

Hello Weareyoung,

This is a tough situation and good for you for acknowledging the issue at hand and reaching out for help. You've taken the most difficult step already. Awareness, acknowledging and reaching out. I agree with Susan, sounds like an addiction and it's unfortunate because I hear more and more of this because there are doctors out there that over prescribe pills. What he is prescribed to take and do you know for sure he is abusing?

If he admits that he is, then make sure you support him and do not attack him. I would mention going back the doctor to discuss the intake, how to control so he doesn't abuse. You want to make sure you are by his side, and not attacking, but helping, supporting and being there for him. Communication is KEY!

You shouldn't feel the way you do because you don't deserve it. So, I would open communication without attacking or threatening and make sure he knows all how you feel. Actions speed louder than words, so if you don't see improvement or receive the respect and love you need/want... then you'll have to make a decision...

Good luck!! Keep us posted!
Susan Vernicek

May 8, 2012 - 11:41am
By HERWriter Guide April 28, 2012 - 4:31pm

Hi weareyoung

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Your boyfriend may have an addiction to pain pills. How long has he been on them? Does he use them as prescribed? If he is in legitimate pain and is taking his meds as prescribed, then I'm sure his doctor would have no problem with him taking them. While pain pills ARE abused (there are about one million over doses ever year), many people need them legitimately and are responsible with their intake. If he is taking them responsibly, leave him alone. It's not for you to interfere in that; you may make him feel defensive.

But if you do feel like there is a problem, let us know. We can help guide you in how to talk to him.

Has his refusal of sex coincided with his use of pain medication? His meds may be making it difficult to have sex or he may have lost his desire. Hopefully this is temporary.

If it has nothing to do with his meds, then you simply need to ask him what's going on. He may have some issues in life, or with you, or the relationship could be coming to an end. But you won't know until you ask him.

Good luck!


April 28, 2012 - 4:31pm

Group Leader

Related Topics


How is your relationship/marriage? Need some support or advice? Or do you have advice for those of us experiencing troubles in our relationships - whether it's sexual, financial, parental, career-oriented or any other issues that make once strong relationships weak? Join us as we work together to make our personal relationships with our partners or spouses the backbone of our lives.


World Wide Web


This Group is Open to all EmpowHER.com members