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I need some advice regarding my marriage

By August 17, 2012 - 2:22pm

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, we've been together for almost four years altogether. Things were great for the longest time. But now I feel as if I'm slowly going insane.

My husband has a good heart and would do anything for his family but he also has some major jealousy, anger, and control issues. I'm not allowed to see or talk to a friend of mine simply because she is dating one of my exes. He is insanely jealous of his older brother and claims that everyone loves his brother more (which is not true, they are loved equally as far as I can tell). my husband feels like no one listens to him and constantly undermines his authority as the parent of our 2 year old son. But he never listens to a word I say as our sons mother. My husband made a scene at a family reunion last Sunday because everyone agreed that our son did not need to be sliding down a slide head first. I told my husband not to let our son go down the slide head first but he didn't listen to me. So my husbands brother caught our son and got him off the slide. I would have gotten him off myself but I wasn't close enough to get him. My brother-in-law was right there by the slide which I'm thankful for.

Anyway there was yellimg and arguing. My husband disrespected his mom in front of EVERYONE and took off walking like an idiot. I was so embaressed and upset at my husbands behavior that I was crying and shaking. I'm still mad at my husband for acting like a child at the reunion and I'm so tired of peace keeping and not being listened to. He's never going to change his temper or anything and he has refused counselling several times.

I want to leave but I'm scared to, but I'm also scared to stay.. I'm really confused. I just need some outside opinions and some support.. I love my husband but I'm just not happy and don't feel like myself anymore...

By HERWriter Guide August 17, 2012 - 3:46pm

Hi muscialxheart

Thanks for your post and I'm sorry this is going on with you and your family.

A lot of people begin their stories with "my husband is wonderful and he'd do anything for his family..." and then to on to describe how he's not that wonderful and relate stories as to how he actually really hurts his family through his actions and shows no remorse. I think people say that because they feel guilty about talking about their loved ones this way and want to think of them as wonderful people who would never hurt their families. But he's not being wonderful and he is not doing everything he could for his family. It's a hurtful truth that you need to accept.

We would never tell anyone to just leave a marriage. As long as there is no abuse and no-one is in danger, then marriages can most certainly be changed, made better and saved.

The issue is when the person refuses to see they are doing anything wrong, continue to hurt their families and refuse to talk about things or make any attempts to make things better.

So this leaves one party trying, the other not caring - and children caught in the middle.

Leaving a marriage is a huge thing to consider. While you are not the issue here, I think going to counseling by yourself will help to end confusion and see things more clearly. Working with a qualified therapist, he or she can help you learn the tools you need to either get the marriage back on track or work toward making permanent changes. But if one person won't change - it's kind of moot. You cannot change him - only you.

But I think you need help in making these changes. Please find a counselor, pastor or a good and trusted friend to talk with. Don't sit and wait for things to change - I think you already know that's not going to happen by itself.

I hope you write back to us!


August 17, 2012 - 3:46pm

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