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My drive is low... Husbands...out of control!!

By September 3, 2012 - 9:06pm

I have a problem... My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have 4 children together ranging from 4-8. When we first got together, I was 20 and he was 23. All honestly I was his first,but he was not mine. I had been in 1 real relationship before this. We were together for 6 months before we got married. I have to say we had an execelent sex life. ( i know it was the "newlywed" stage but it was nice). After I had my first child it was a waiting game for the doc to give the ok to go again. We were having sex maybe 3-5 times a week. Well here came child #2. Again, it really didn't phase us. But after my 3rd, I just feel like I have lost everything. I just can never "get in the mood". I have tried to pleasure myself and sometimes it work sometimes it don't. Sometimes he helps, sometimes I do it while hes at work. Him on the other hand, He still has that 3-5 times a wk drive. He could actually go every night if I would go along with it.If he is lucky we have sex 2 times a month. He has came down to begging and trying to "make deals" for foot rubs. I sometimes just give in because I feel bad for not giving it to him.I really don't now what to do. I have talked to my gyno about not having a drive but he told me it was because I have had 4 kids and my body just needs to recoup. Ok its been4 years now shouldn't my body be recouped by now?? I don't know what to do anymore. It has my husdand agravated half the time and me upset that he doesn't understand. We do talk alot... it just do't seem that I am saying the right things for him to understand. Help me please!

By HERWriter Guide September 4, 2012 - 10:52am

Hi momsalisbury

Thanks for your post. You're not alone.

Four children, fatigue, and getting older all contribute to a diminishing sex life - as can familiarity. Some studies have shown that after the first three years, the crazy sexual drive we have for one person begins to slow down. This is compounded by family life if a couple has kids.

You can talk to your doctor (get another one if your doctor keeps saying your body needs to "recoup" - either way, tell him that his answers are not acceptable for you) about getting some testing done so see if you have undergone any hormonal changes that may be causing this. Having more kids shouldn't be considered for now.

Another suggestion is to "fake it till you make it". Meaning have sex even if you're not in the mood. This doesn't mean to feel like you are being violated but sometimes going ahead with sex even when not really into it can end up with you feeling a lot better and being happy you gave it a chance! It's not not wanting to work out but then really happy that you did! Give it a try!


September 4, 2012 - 10:52am

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