May 15, 2011 - 8:57am
We reconnected over a year ago and started as friends with a mutual care and SEX. Neither one of us wanted a relationship and we carried on for months that way. We would hang out at his place, go out with friends, intimidate dinners and had sex most often. I have always been the initiator in our relationship. Along the line, we fell in love. There has been many trails and tribulations (kids, live in mother, moving, etc) in our relationship this past year. All and all, we are there for one another and still remain the best of friends. We now live together in seperate bedrooms (snoring, sleep patterns, my children are also in the household-old fashioned,etc) along with my children (his are all grown up). We have all the essentials of a great power couple and everyone around us can see the love. I know he loves me as well as I love him. So what is the problem??
It has been several months since we have had intercourse. Our intimacy consists of my giving him oral sex and on occasion he will pleasure me with his fingers. I absolutely miss our sexual intimiacy. We had a good sexual union...not totally uninhibited but it was good. Now it is non existant.
Recently, I started to open up about my sexual frustrations. I even stated maybe I am not the "One". He clearly told me that he loves me and wants us to work. Although we talked breifly about it and he admitted to "not feeling it" due to all the issues we have/are going through with our household (runway teenager, mom is now in a nursing home, he is on short term disability, recent move into our home, etc). I somewhat understand that he is not wired like me but the distant sexually is making me feel unwanted, as much as I hate to admit it-very ugly, alone at times as well as sexually driving me crazy. In hind sight I feel that no other man would have stayed in the current situations with my family. But he has stayed right by my side through it all.
I will say that I am a rather high sex drive woman and always have been. Not having that intimacy with my partner is messing with my head. Do I think he is cheating? Not necessarily ...although he is a big flirt. Lately, I have been wanting to stray and have a sexual encounter. I know that I can seperate sex and love...but for the first time in my life I feel guilty in even thinking like this. The thought of loosing the man I love makes me cringe thus I have dealt with this for so long.
Just last night, I once again voiced my feelings (loudly) and brought him to the point of saying, "Go get a condom...u want to **ck!!" Well I did and started with falacio and as usual he shuttered in pleasure and ejaculated. Needless to say, he fell asleep and I went to my bedroom and masturbated to porn. Before I left I told him I was buying a book for us to spice up our interests and sexual desires. He agreed and well I ordered it this am.
I know he wont lie to pacify me but I wonder if this will help us through this huge hump. I must add that in prior conversations, he has agreed to get relationship counseling to help us. We agreed we both have issues and need to resolve.
What do I do? How do I move forward? I know he has a sexual drive...he also views porn. I am almost out of options here...please help!