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Problems with jealousy

By August 8, 2012 - 2:12pm

My husband and I have an excellent relationship, but there is one problem. I saw him looking at photos on the Internet of a woman who is on a television show he regularly watches. I realize this is irrational, but that upset me. My anxiety levels about it are on par with if he was physically cheating. We have an incredible sex life -- multiple times a day on weekends and several times during the week. It's always amazing. I'm never upset when we're togethr, but when we're we are apart I imagine him perusing photos of other women online. Then I become so consumed with stress I just want to mine his computer history for info. I really need help with this, and I've spoken to him about it. He insists he's not attracted to this woman, but I know he is lying. Why else would he look at photos of her?

By HERWriter Guide September 9, 2012 - 11:33am

Hi Pilar

Thanks for your question. Ignore advice to do it back to him to provoke him, this isn't high school and stuff like this isn't dignified for a married woman.

Your husband finds this woman attractive, I'm sure, but so what? There is no man on TV or in the movies that you don't find attractive or take a second/third glance at? I'm sure there is and it's just fine because it's perfectly normal! Your husband loves you, he CHOSE you! Know this and take comfort in this. All men and women give someone a second glance - it's our human nature to check out the sex we're attracted to. To be honest, it wouldn't really be normal not to.

His actions are normal but your reactions are not. Don't harass him about this or make him feel he's dong something wrong because he is not. You're already said what a great life you have together so don't ruin it by your own insecurities.

Work on accepting that men and women do find others attractive but also enjoy the fact that you are the only woman he is with. His body and heart are with you, and so what that he clicks on a picture of an attractive famous woman. My husband thinks Charlize Theron is beautiful and he's right, she is! I think she is too! But is he going to give up me and his family for her? Of course not! He doesn't love her, he just finds her attractive. Just like I think several male sports stars and actors are gorgeous, and he knows this too; he rolls his eyes and laughs!

Learn to understand the difference between reality and fantasy and accept that he has a right to look at these photos and that it's normal. But since your feelings are so strong and you are so distraught, you may find it helpful to talk to someone about it so they can help you understand human nature and to have more self-confidence in your self and your relationship.

It sounds like you and your husband can have a wonderful relationship and you do, aside from some insecurities on your part. So work on it and get your great marriage back on track!




September 9, 2012 - 11:33am
By September 5, 2012 - 1:30am

He is lying, why else do men look at women? ..Do it back to him and watch his reaction.

September 5, 2012 - 1:30am

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