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I've been sex-starved by my husband for 14months

By March 14, 2011 - 12:00pm

The last time I had sex was 14months ago, and that sex led to pregnancy. Throughout my nine months of pregnancy, I didn't have sex, now my baby is 4months and my husband hasn't made any move to make love to me. I feel horny right now, but I don't know how to tell him. I don't want him to feel I'm begging for it, I want him to ask for it. I don't know what to do.

By HERWriter Guide September 24, 2011 - 3:13pm

Hi Ladies

In reading your stories, so many of you have much in common.

WifeyandMommy, I agree about the unfairness of being totally normal in wanting sex from a partner and them making you feel weird or a nag or ridiculous for wanting sex.

They do this, obviously, to take the pressure off them. But what it really does is humiliate their women and make them feel ugly and unwanted.

It's hard for any man to talk about this kind of thing but instead of taking it out emotionally on their partners, they need to be honest and take ownership in the issue - even if it's a medical issue that they can't help. Making the woman feel bad is completely wrong and also a bit manipulative. Being honest and admitting help is needed is what will save relationships, not freezing out their wives.

I hope you all can come here for support anytime you need it and these issues get resolved.


September 24, 2011 - 3:13pm
By September 23, 2011 - 8:35pm

Gard, Your post almost made me cry because you are not alone! I'm 24 years old - my husband is 27 been together 5years married 2. He doesn't touch me. The whole time I was pregnant with my son, he didn't even want to lay in the same bed as me. When I had my son, we had sex once and I got pregnant with my daughter...again, no sex for another 9 months. Now, being on birth control..I wonder why the F*ck am I? He doesn't touch me, he doesn't want anything to do with me. He's also on a medication that drops his libido to NOTHING...Vicodin for back pain. In a way I am sad I found this post because you are dealing with what I am dealing with, but then in a way...I feel like I'm not alone when all I feel is emptiness all the time. I sit here and I cry now because all I want is a kiss and maybe a little hug from time to time. I pray to God everything turns good for you and your husband. Life isn't fair when one person wants sex and the other one calls you silly for even suggesting it.

September 23, 2011 - 8:35pm
By May 25, 2011 - 3:51pm

Has he talked to his doctor? My husband has a hard time getting an erection and when he does it takes over an hour for him to finish. But because of his heart he can't "move" the whole hour. He goes for a few minutes, rests a min or two then continues as before and it goes on and on until he releases.
Trust me I know you get frustraited and upset. I know I do and I feel unwanted and unloved.
But he has told me that he gets frustraited and angry at himself because he can't make love when he wants or like he used to. Maybe that is how your husband feels.
My husband doesn't make any sexual moves because he thinks I will automatically thinks he wants more than what he actually does or can do and that I will get upset if he doesn't or can't. I don't think that he understands that you can have intimacy just by laying together and holding each other and that there are other ways to be satisfied from him.
I am sure your husband is feeling the same way as mine.
But the two of you could go to the doctor and find out if they can do anything for him. My husband can't take anything because of his heart.
I truely do hope things get better for you. I really do feel for you. I understand what you are going through.

May 25, 2011 - 3:51pm
By May 21, 2011 - 11:46am

@Jmd: I'm 24 and he's 31. He has some prolactin issues, cos he has a pitutuay tumor, which releases prolactin into his body. And I guess prolactin reduces libido. He hardly ever make sexual-moves with me. Even his erection doesn't get so hard, it goes soft after 5mins or less.

May 21, 2011 - 11:46am
By May 21, 2011 - 9:46am

Just wanted to know how old Gard's husband was? Mine is 49 and I am 42 and we have not made love in 11months. Been together 2years 3months and married only 1yr. 3 months out of that time. My husband has diabetes as well as myself. Plus he has cardiomyopathy. and I have had a heart attack about 8months ago. I don't know if these are contributing to our problem for lack of sex because it has always been very infrequent except when we were first seeing each other then it was atleast every two or three weeks and when not actually completely making love there was other things being done. And then we got married and now nothing.....Does your husband have any health issues that could be contributing to the problem? I completely understand how your are feeling and hope that things can work out for the two of you.

May 21, 2011 - 9:46am
By HERWriter Guide May 3, 2011 - 7:50am

Hi gard

I'm sorry you did not receive a response sooner - unfortunately your post slipped through the cracks.

Are you still dealing with a lack of sex in your life?

You need to talk to your husband about this. If it has been 14 months (and longer now, if things still haven't worked out) then your husband surely knows that something is wrong.

Can you update us on how things are going?

May 3, 2011 - 7:50am

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