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Pregnancy after tubal ligation

By November 30, 2010 - 12:21pm

I am a 29 year young mother of two beautiful girls, 9 and 8. I recently had my tubes burned, becaused I suffered some severe physical and emotional abuse from my ex-husband. Due to my long string of relationships with abusive men, I didn't want to risk having a child again with another horrible man. Let me say that I love my children more than anything in the world! I never thought I would find a man worth having a child with, didn't believe they existed. I met the most wonderful man in the world last Christmas. He respects me, and treats my children and me the way we should be treated. He wants to marry me, and be a father to my children. Lately, this overwhelming feeling of guilt and misery has been looming over me. I realized I could never give this man a child. He says it doesn't bother him, but I think he just doesn't want me to hurt. I can't afford the procedures to fix what I have done, so I just pray that it will happen naturally. Reading other posts, I noticed it isn't as crazy as I thought to think this could happen. Any thoughts???????

By HERWriter Guide March 11, 2011 - 8:34am

Hi RoxyGirl

You sound like a smart and happy woman!

I think what you are doing is what many of us do. We assume that others (especially those that we are close to and have very similar ideals and dreams in life) feel the same way about everything.

You are projecting your feelings onto your boyfriend and assuming he must feel the same way. You are you, your boyfriend is your boyfriend. Don't project your own thoughts/ideas onto someone else because even though he said he wouldn't mind another child once (I've said some very strange things before and never wanted what I said at all!), he also said he doesn't care and is happy the way things are. Let him have HIS feelings and don't assume his feelings are the same as yours. You're not dating you! Doing this may cause the foundation of what seems to be a great relationship to weaken.

I think you are over-thinking things. Trust me, men are more simple than women in terms of how they verbalize. If he says he's fine, he's fine. Don't ask him about it anymore or he'll start to stress.

And if he wants to marry you and you want to marry him, then go for it (and don't over think that one either! )

You two seem to love each other very much but don't suffocate him with your own assumptions or worries.

I wish you both the best, you seem like a great couple!


March 11, 2011 - 8:34am
By March 11, 2011 - 7:28am

I appreciate your comment. I am definitely not doing it to make him stay. If a man doesn't want to be with me, then I don't want him to stay. I just have this guilt issue about him never having kids because of me. He always says he wants to marry me, and he wouldn't leave me without a fight. He is a great man, and I just wanted him to experience the most wonderful feeling in the world. He is an honest man, so you are probably right about trusting in his response to the issue. I guess the hang up here, is that he is just like me, and will suffer to spare anothers feelings. Its funny, when I originally had the procedure done, everyone asked what I would do if I got with a man that wanted kids. My response was...."If he doesn't like the fact that I can't have kids, then he isn't the man for me anyway." Now I am with this wonderful man, and my mind is all screwed up. He only said once that it might be nice to have one some day, but its not necessary. I think I just think to much.....lol. Oh well, if God wants me to have another child I will, if not, then it wasn't in the cards to begin with. Thanks for your advice, and good luck to all the women out there that want children, but are having trouble conceiving.

March 11, 2011 - 7:28am
By HERWriter Guide March 5, 2011 - 9:13am

Hi Roxygirl15

It's great to see this Group.

Having a tubal ligation is very effective. Only about 18 women of child-bearing age per 1000 women who have it done will get pregnant - and that's covering a span of 10 years. So the likelihood of you getting pregnant is extremely low. Don't pray that it'll happen naturally - it probably won't.

Also, if your boyfriend has said he does not want children with you and is happy with the two you have - believe him. Not all men want children with the women they love and it sounds like he's one of them. When someone says something to you - believe them! Is he giving you mixed signals? If not, then let it go. Two children is plenty for any family!
I also wonder if you think that somehow you having a baby will make you closer to him or make him want to stay? That's not the case either.

My suggestion is that if this continues to be a worry for you, talk it out with him. If he insists he's fine with the two kids, then don't push him on it - you may push him away. Enjoy the man you have now and the family life you are making together, without adding issues to the mix that may not even exist!


March 5, 2011 - 9:13am

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