Facebook Pixel

Women's Life After Divorce Join this Group

Changing From Parenthood to True Singlehood

By March 7, 2012 - 11:26am

Let me start by saying that when you have gotten divorced, your children fill an important need. The need to be needed.
Today, when talking to my son about how he wanted to celebrate his birthday, I realized that he, and I, had officially changed from one phase of life to another. He was turning 18 years old, and I realized that he was not as easily entertained as he used to be.
Where I used to take the kids to the grocery store to buy their favorite foods on their birthday (because I am strict about what they eat at home), now it isn't "special" anymore. Where I used to take them to their favorite place to eat or favorite thing to do, now it doesn't have the appeal it once had.
So, there we are, talking about how different life is now. How he has already started his journey of finding himself, and I can't participate anymore. I can be there in the background, emotionally and financially supporting him, but am no longer involved in his daily decision making.
The reality of that hit me directly in the heart! Right between my need to nurture and my self-worth as a parent.
And the reality of that also makes me painfully aware of, yet again, transitioning into another phase of life. From married to divorced. From full-time parent to waving them on to their futures. Wow! I have to admit. That stings!
Have you experienced this yet? How did you deal with it?

Christia Sale
Women's Life After Divorce Expert

By March 12, 2012 - 3:28am

See, it's all in how you choose to respond to a situation that dictates its outcome.
Happiness is a choice, not a result of circumstances. We can choose to the the victor, not the victim.
Congratulations on "surviving" your journey. It has made you a stronger person.
Cheers to you Donna!

March 12, 2012 - 3:28am
By March 11, 2012 - 10:13pm

Thanks for your kind words Christia! It is very difficult, but over the years, through therapy on all our parts, we managed to even have holidays together. That may sound a little strange, but when you focus on your child, and you want the best, forgiveness is the key. You can forgive but not forget.
When I re-married, my husband has 3 kids. Eventually all of us are now a blended family.

March 11, 2012 - 10:13pm
By March 11, 2012 - 7:52pm

Hi Ladies,
I also learned with my marriage that you can't love anyone to health. You can't fix them. And Susan is right, it is in our nature to want to do so, especially if our mate has come from an abusive situation themselves. We can't help it! It's one of our gifts! But the reality is Donna, that you set a better example for your daughter by not tolerating abuse any longer. Now she will learn that no one deserves that type of treatment and that it is no reflection on her, or you. These are life lessons where we have to teach/lead by example, and you did a good job.
Now your daughter will know how to handle a similar situation if ever confronted with it again. She will also have a better idea how to deal with her Dad in the future. But she will still need your guidance and unconditional love to learn the coping skills needed to have an abuser as a parent. Never underestimate their manipulativeness. She will need all the coping skills she can get.
Hang in there. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

March 11, 2012 - 7:52pm
By March 11, 2012 - 6:58pm

I could of sworn it was Donna Summer, but hey, it was a long time ago wasn't it lol. Thanks. Donna

March 11, 2012 - 6:58pm
By HERWriter Guide March 11, 2012 - 5:12pm

Hi Donna

I am so glad you have found your own place in life and the strength to do what's best for you and your child. We can't "fix" men, even though it's in the nature of many women to want to do so. It's great that you worked hard to find your own independence before moving on with your life!



PS - It's Gloria Gaynor, not Donna Summer ;)

March 11, 2012 - 5:12pm
By March 11, 2012 - 2:06pm

Hi Christia, Just joined this group because I have survived two divorces. I use that word survive most seriously because it takes a lot of survival mechanisms to live through such a change in life.
I enjoyed reading your article because the realization of being a "new" person after a divorce can take it's toll on you.
I can share my story about my second divorce because I had a child with this husband. In short, he was abusive, I was caught up in a syndrome and you know how the rest goes. It took strength to leave. But, I changed my life to the positive.
I went back to school, found support groups to help me deal with the abuse I had undergone. I realized that it took more strength and energy to be with him than to be without him. There I was with a 3 year old little girl alone!
How I got through it mostly was to change my life for the better. I sought therapy to break those chains of repeated behavior I had. I took in the "needy" men and it was a disaster time after time.
I can look back and remember how I used to empower myself by singing that song "I Will Survive" by Donna Summer which became my mantra.
I engulfed myself in learning and focused on being successful for myself and my daughter. I gave myself a break with men for about a year to re-discover myself.
Then and only then did I start dating again. Now, I am re-married to a wonderful man. The man I wanted all my life that I thought would be a fairy tale.
It starts with the "self" changing ourselves and then by that Law of Attraction, things manifest.
Many Blessings,
Donna Merrill

March 11, 2012 - 2:06pm
By March 9, 2012 - 8:13am

Thanks Daisy.
This article will be helpful to anyone going through divorce.
The more people sharing the same message, the more women we can help through this challenging period.
You don't have to be miserable anymore! You can make this next phase of life, your best phase yet.
It's all in your attitude!
Christia Sale

March 9, 2012 - 8:13am
EmpowHER Guest
By Anonymous March 9, 2012 - 7:52am

Hi Christia,

Thanks for sharing your story.  Am sure many women will find support and answers here, when facing with these type of life situations.




March 9, 2012 - 7:52am

Group Leader


This group is for fellow Sisters who have survived a rough marriage and even rougher divorce. This is where you will learn how to reassess, reinvent and redirect your life for a positive recovery and reinvention after divorce. You will reacquaint yourself with your true passion and purpose, and live to your full potential. You will become the Leading Lady in your own Life! You will learn how to become SELFISH! Welcome to the SELFISH Woman's Club! Christia Sale The Most SELFISH Woman in America! Women's Life-After-Divorce Expert www/themostselfishwomaninamerica.com


This Group is Open to all EmpowHER.com members