On Friday, my husband and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage. That may seem a short time to some like my parents who have been married for 40+ years, but we do have something to share. We have come a long way from our chance meeting in Scottsdale, Arizona. We met the day before Cinco de Mayo in 2001; he bought me a Pyramid Hefeweizen and asked if he could take me to dinner sometime. I gave him my business card, then promptly forgot his name even though I hoped he’d call.
We have been virtually inseparable since, and can say we are experiencing “wedded bliss.”
This however, is not my first marriage. I was married in my late 20s—I was much different then. Looking back, I didn’t know what I was doing being married, and it’s a good thing I didn’t marry even earlier because I could be on my 3rd marriage by now. Luckily, I knew enough to not marry in my early 20s because I was not ready any more than when I was 27.
When I married Sean, my current husband, I was ready. At 34, I knew full-well who I was and what I wanted. As a couple we knew what we want, and what’s important to us. I firmly believe that those elements have helped us be happy in marriage. It has not been all wine and roses, but close enough for us. So here’s five things we’ve learned so far. We really created this list together:
1. It’s important to marry someone you enjoy spending time with. There is a lot of day-to-day drudgery in co-habitating, and it multiplies when raising a family together. So you need to like and respect the person you’re going through it with outside of the bedroom; it just makes the hardest times easier, and the easy times more fun to share.
2. Enjoy the little things. Life happens in a lot of that drudgery, so you should learn to cherish it all and not wish it away focusing on the next big milestone. In other words, be present or you’ll miss it all.
3. Nurture intimacy. Closeness comes from being sexual with each other. It also, however comes from creating romance in knowing your partner, and figuring out what speaks to them emotionally. That takes work and it never stops, or the relationship could easily slip into a coma-like state.