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The Comfort in Finding the Good (an Excellent Example)

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A few weeks ago I wrote an article about how comforting it is to try to find the good in a bad situation; it’s a good exercise that will help take your mind off of the negative and, even if only for a few moments, remind you that every cloud has a sliver lining.

In case you missed it: Click here

I just got off the phone with Sally, a friend of mine who did a wonderful job of finding the good, and I thought it would be helpful to share her example.

Sally and her husband are doing very well; they live on 30 acres near us with horses, a riding arena, tennis court, pond, and a beautiful log home. A woman and her husband (Mauricio and Maria) have been working for them for 16 years, living in a cottage located on the property. Mauricio takes care of the horses, the gardening, and the general maintenance. Maria cooks and cleans, and has helped raise their two sons from birth.

The couple decided to move back to Mexico, leaving Sally suddenly without help. Plus her sons, in effect, lost their “second mom” who has been an important part of their entire lives. Sally is devastated; she feels like she has lost part of her family, and now she has to do a heckava lot more work than she ever did.

(Perhaps you find it hard to feel sorry for her; few of us have the luxury of having that kind of help! If that’s the case, fine, but what’s important here is that SHE feels a terrible loss and the associated stress, and how she is handling it.)

Sally told me that she always tries to find the good in the situation, and here is what she came up with:

1. Now that she has to take care of the horses herself, she gets to spend more time with them. She loves her horses and, in that regard, she is enjoying the extra time they have together.

2. She has seen a new side to her two sons. Both of them have been willing, even anxious, to help however they can. She gives them lists of things that have to be done and they are very enthusiastic about doing them. She says they like the responsibility and the purpose that comes with the lists, and she is very proud of them and the way they are handling the situation.

3. She has hired a friend of hers to help a few hours a week with house-cleaning chores, and is glad that she is able to give some work to a friend who really needs it.

It’s no doubt that this is a time of big change for Sally and her family, and in finding the good in the situation she has reduced the stress on herself and, as a result, on everyone. After all, “If mamma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

This article is one in a series on coping strategies for patients and caregivers alike. For more thoughts on caregiving, coping strategies, reducing stress, and just plain fun subscribe to my free monthly newsletter at http://www.CaringAndCoping.com Need a speaker for an upcoming event? I have a program that will knock your socks off! Watch video clips at http://www.ThePPP.org/speaking/#handle

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.