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One of the most common “side effects” of sexual abuse is nightmares. Like flashbacks, nightmares are the mind’s way of working out some of the feelings of fear, terror, helplessness, vulnerability and betrayal that a sexual abuse victim experiences at the hands of her attacker/abuser.
During REM sleep (Stage 1) the mind will often replay life events or interpret life events into dreams—interpreting meaning the animals or people or objects in the dreams may be symbolic of the feelings throughout a person’s day, sometimes in really odd ways. But REM sleep allows the mind a form of stress release.
Unfortunately, with nightmares, the dreams are all focused on reliving—either directly or symbolically—the emotions or actually physical experiences of sexual abuse. If the sexual abuse happened over a long period of time, or there were multiple instances in a person’s life, the nightmares may last for a long time, or like flashbacks, sometimes come when you least expect them.
When You’re Awake
“Nightmares can produce the following effects:
• Feelings of loneliness, distress, vulnerability, fear, anxiety, sadness, anger, guilt and shame.
• Physical reaction, such as breathing difficulties, chest tightness, sweating and shaking.
• Sleeping difficulties – problems going to bed and to sleep, fear of sleeping alone or sleeping with someone” (www.livingwell.org.au)
A victim can be left feeling not only emotions but physically as if she has just been raped or abused again. Living through the experience once is enough, let alone having to relive it. But nightmares and flashbacks are a mind’s way of processing the experience, and are part of the recovery process.
Taking Control of your Nightmares
One method that has helped me in the waking aftermath of a nightmare is directed dreaming. Well—that’s the Star Trek term for it—the actual name psychologists and counselors use is “lucid dreaming”. It’s a way of taking control of the dream and changing the events in the dream and/or perhaps the outcome. It may be talking to the characters in the dream and perhaps fighting back. It may mean walking away from the situation or escaping.
In my case, I would pick any one of the several cute guys on TV at the time and work them into a rescue of some sort … where they arrive just in the “nick of time”. There is nothing more sexier to me than a man defending his woman, and even though it was completely fictional—Heaven knows it’s nice to fantasize a bit. Then I wake up with a pleasant ending as opposed to a traumatic one.
In our private sexual abuse recovery group, A Safe Place, you can feel free to share your thoughts and experiences. If you have any particular methods that help you deal with your nightmares, please post them below so other readers can benefit.
The following is rather an extensive list, but I included it because I feel its suggestions may help others who experience nightmares. This list is compiled from LivingWell.org (www.livingwell.org.au).
When a nightmare happens:
• “Reassure yourself that you are safe and that the traumatic event that you are remembering is NOT happening now.
• Breathe slowly and deeply.
• Be aware of and understand your body’s response as a natural physiological reaction to a traumatic experience … breathe deeply and slowly, try to see and imagine your muscles relaxing.
• Locate yourself in the present; check your present reality by looking around, touching things, stamping your feet, looking in the mirror or talking to yourself.
• Confirm your physical safety – turn on the lights, walk around the house, check the locks.
• Have a drink of water.
• Wash your face or have a warm bath or shower.
• Focus on something else - read a book or magazine, watch TV, listen to the radio or relaxing music.
• Talk with a partner, friend or relative who is supportive.”
Some people also suggest journaling the nightmare right then. This technique may also work if the effects and images of the nightmare continue to affect your ability to be productive during your day. If your mind is preoccupied and you’re unable to concentrate, journaling may be a way of relieving your mind and heart of that anxiety, however temporarily, so you can at least get through your day.
1. “Pick an unpleasant dream/nightmare, one that is not a direct replay or re-enactment of a distressing event and write it down.
2. Write the … dream down in as much detail as you can … in this telling … change the ending so that it suits you ….
3. … get to know this new preferred version of the dream, rehearse it each night for about 5-15 minutes prior to going to sleep.
4. Once you have rehearsed the dream, perform a relaxation exercise … to fall asleep peacefully.”
Obviously, if the nightmares persist or become increasingly disturbing and continue to affect your normal, everyday functioning, you should see a counselor or pastor to work through your memories and experiences.
Sources: www.pandys.org; www.livingwell.org.au; Journal of the American Medical Association (http://jama.ama-assn.org/content/286/5/537.full.pdf); http://memory-alpha.org; “Lucid Dreaming and How Dreams Relate to Waking States of Consciousness” by Mark Bancroft, MA ( http://www.enspirepress.com/hypnosis_information_articles/lucid_dreaming/lucid_dreaming.html)
Add a Comment3 Comments
AFAIC that's the best aswner so far!
June 2, 2011 - 8:00pmThis Comment
The story is all too familiar....
something that helped me deal with this is a trick my therapist taught me, and has worked since i was 14 and got help.
When you are dreaming and something is scaring you - whether it is a person, a place, a thing..... walk TOWARDS it. I know its the last thing you instinctively want to do... but when you gain that control and do this ... what is scaring you will disappear and the dream will transform.
Before you go to sleep, remind yourself of this. Slowly if you keep this fact in mind, your dreams will become lucid during the height of bad dream. This is because your brain ignites that little trick in your memory and you soon begin to have control.
May 3, 2011 - 9:56pmThis Comment
Interesting. No, you would never think to walk toward the threat. I guess psychologically it's like standing your ground and defying the fear that would "win" by your natural reaction to run away.
May 4, 2011 - 2:56pmHmmm.
This Comment