My Miscarriage Story: The Chemical Pregnancy
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Roughly 10 to 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. But according to the Mayo Clinic website, the number actually could be higher because many miscarriages occur so early in pregnancy that it can be mistaken for a regular period. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester (before 12 weeks). That is what happened to me, except I knew I was pregnant. I have the home pregnancy tests to prove it.
We weren’t even really trying. We have two wonderful sons at home, but had always wanted three. And since we are turning 40 next year, we figured, “it’s now or never!” So I went off the pill several months ago — we were going to wing it, and see what happened. Anticipating I could be pregnant each month was a let down when I would “see red,” or feel the rush of my period starting. Yes, as I get older, it now starts with a vengeance.
Each month I would start to feel symptoms, and wonder, “could I be pregnant?” So as the day of my expected period came closer, I know you're really supposed to wait until you miss your period so the results will be even more accurate, but I would be tempted to take a home pregnancy test. I took a few in the past couple months, and always was disappointed to see no double lines on the stick. Anyone who’s considered having a baby knows the feeling of the anticipation, and the disappointment.
A few weeks ago, I had some different symptoms, I started getting that familiar “have-to-eat-every-two hours-or-I may-throw-up” feeling I had in other early pregnancies. It seemed to come from out of nowhere. I also didn’t get my usual migraine I get when I’m expecting my period. This was different, I thought, “maybe it’s happening ...” So when my period didn’t show up as expected, I took another test. It was positive! It was light and unconvincing, but positive. I was elated, even though I wasn’t sure I was completely ready for nine months of feeling “not myself,” and the following months of wishing I was already back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I took another test the next morning just to be sure I wasn’t just imagining the lines. It too was light, but positive.
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Hi Christine
I'm so sorry for your loss - so many of us know how you feel and you have right to mourn your loss and take some time to feel 'normal' again. I so know the excitement of seeing the double lines or digital pregnancy announcement - it's like winning the lottery! And to have it taken away is devastating.
I think you should absolutely keep trying. You know the odds and the risks (you have just experienced the latter) but there's no reason you can't have a fabulously healthy pregnancy and baby. You are still fertile (and you are only 39, only a year older than my mother when she had me and years younger that several of my relatives who had very healthy children - in some cases, half a dozen years younger.)
The bad part is that there is a chance for another m/c but remember there is also a great chance for another babe :)
Whatever your decisions/outcomes, I wish you and your family the very best and you may TOTALLY steal my girls' names if you have a little lady - I'd consider it an honor.
~Susan
October 17, 2010 - 8:36amThis Comment