"The Professional, High-Functioning Bipolar Patient"
There exists what I’d like to call the PHFBP, or the professional, high-functioning bipolar patient.
When looking at the PHFBP, it would appear that he faces few problems. He is compliant in his treatment. He is successful in his job; he may be married and have children; he has friends, and in essence, he is happy. For the therapist, this patient might be called "the model patient." In reality, although this patient is seen as a "model" patient, he still must cope with several, important life issues. (I know because I’m a PHFBP and have been one for several years.)
The issues are as follows:
1. Do I really need to take my meds?
Medication is a sticky subject. It’s usually visible, either sitting out or in a cabinet, just sitting there for any nosey guest to come along and read the bottle. Medication also can put on the pounds, like around 50. It’s a hassle to take it every day. A nuisance. Life would be much easier without it. Wouldn’t it?
2. Should I "come out" in my family, the neighborhood or at work?
I really want to tell people, but I’m afraid of the after effects. Will they lose trust in me? I feel like an imposter, like I can’t truly be myself. Who am I, really?
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I find your questions, and answers, almost chilling in their brutal honesty. As a daughter of someone with bipolar disorder, your question #6 has haunted me for much of my life. My mother really shouldn't have had children. Much of my childhood was a roller coaster nightmare. And yet somehow I survived it intact, with my sanity.
Lately I have been wrestling with #8. I heard a wonderful sermon at church recently asking about what kept us from deepening our personal relationship with God, and for me I have to say I am terrified of falling into religious mania.
I feel I cannot practice my faith properly as I am so fearful of becoming crazy obsessive or delusional.
(I am proud of how well I am doing with most of these issues however. Perhaps this piece could be fleshed out to talk about the specific tools that can get us through most of these?)
Oh, I totally hear you on that one! Before my mom got help via meds and therapy, she had major issues with this. I was shocked once when I went into her home and it was completely filled with religious icons, statues, crosses, paintings of Jesus, etc. It was crazy and really terrified me. Just like anything else I guess, religion can become an obsession, and it's probably easier to get sucked into it in a big way when you're already feeling helpless and out of control as it is. What helped my mom was simply the combination of therapy and meds. She's now able to enjoy a deeply (but not too deep!) satisfying relationship with God and loves her involvement in her church. I think once you have the confidence that you're receiving effective treatment, you can let yourself go a little and know you won't go off the deep end.
I am a bipolar who, when symptomatic, thinks God is against me. It's a love/hate relationship that correlates with my mood swings.
So my question is: How does a bipolar have a true relationship with God?
Well, the word 'faith' means believing in what you can't see. That's the short answer. In truth, it's normal to be skeptical about a higher power. In fact, based on reality on Earth, it's darn near ABNORMAL, if numbers mean anything, to have an unfaltering relationship with God.
You may not adhere to this, but with God, I keep it basic and rational: HE is omnipetent and omnipresent, and as such, he's everywhere and in charge of all things. Mix that up with saying 'well, he's not in charge of ALL things, because some are bad'...
...and you lose me. They don't call him GOD for nothing. So to your question: keep it simple and kind. Thank Him when you can, lean on Him when you must, trust him if you can't quite find it in you that moment to thank him (the concept of 'trust' is hard--it'd require another long post) and you're going to be OK.