"The Professional, High-Functioning Bipolar Patient"
There exists what I’d like to call the PHFBP, or the professional, high-functioning bipolar patient.
When looking at the PHFBP, it would appear that he faces few problems. He is compliant in his treatment. He is successful in his job; he may be married and have children; he has friends, and in essence, he is happy. For the therapist, this patient might be called "the model patient." In reality, although this patient is seen as a "model" patient, he still must cope with several, important life issues. (I know because I’m a PHFBP and have been one for several years.)
The issues are as follows:
1. Do I really need to take my meds?
Medication is a sticky subject. It’s usually visible, either sitting out or in a cabinet, just sitting there for any nosey guest to come along and read the bottle. Medication also can put on the pounds, like around 50. It’s a hassle to take it every day. A nuisance. Life would be much easier without it. Wouldn’t it?
2. Should I "come out" in my family, the neighborhood or at work?
I really want to tell people, but I’m afraid of the after effects. Will they lose trust in me? I feel like an imposter, like I can’t truly be myself. Who am I, really?
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Kristin: I'm sorry your life has been so hard. I'm going to try my best to be a good mother to my son.
Laura, I know you'll do an awesome job with your son! In my mom's case, she wasn't diagnosed until just two years ago. So she lived through over 65 years suffering from the devastating cycles of this disorder, not knowing how ill she was, and existing in complete denial. That's why I mentioned that she really shouldn't have had children. You, on the other hand, are empowered with knowledge and you are doing incredibly courageous and insightful work on yourself. I'm sure you're a great mom.
I've suffered from horrible, chronic depression for much of my life (don't you just love genetics?!?), but because of the experience of being the daughter of someone who was mentally ill but didn't seek help, I've worked really hard to break out of that cycle and become healthy so I wouldn't be the kind of mother my mom was. It can be scary, because sometimes I doubt myself. But, like you said -- "all we can do is our best with what we are given." And I think often we have a lot more strength, deep inside and untouched by mental illness, than we realize.
Anonymous: I like the idea of fleshing this piece out and suggesting ways to deal with these problems. Thanks for the great idea.
Anonymous: Let's b strong!
Anonymous: I'm glad I'm not romanticizing the disorder. Thanks.