Women's Internalized Oppression: Undermining Your Own Sexuality
"Don't apologize for wanting it," I reply. "When you say, 'I know it's a drag, but I guess I'm defective because I need this boring stuff to get ready for the real thing,' your mate instinctively resists."
Women need to honor and value their body's rhythms. You can tell your mate, "Listen, I want to have great sex. I want to get really excited with you. I want to feel your sexuality. I want my body to melt into yours. I want us to drive each other so wild that we can forget about everything and then make love, so let's spend tons of time kissing and squeezing and tasting..."
Who's going to resist that?
* "Sex? Only if you're 'swept away' by romance, alcohol, lies or love."
This attitude subverts female sexuality by disowning a woman's ability to turn herself on, to choose how excited to get and to direct the course of a sexual encounter.
As sociologist Carol Cassell notes in her book, "Swept Away," female sexuality is generally considered more acceptable when women are seduced, romanced or misled, because they can't be blamed for what they can't control. If women are swept away, they can have sexual pleasure without having to confront their own desires or self-image.
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This is one of the best articles I have read. Thank you so much! I would love a follow-up one that gives more specific ideas about how a woman can embrace her sexuality.
-K.
A woman could embrace her sexuality by being herself, by putting effort in personal development and not giving credential to all the myths that circle mass media. But for that is a lot of work with someone's self.
a male opinion,
v
There are so many myths about female sexuality and what it means to be a sexy woman. Thank you for a though provoking article. I too think personal development can help. I found a place for some down to earth practical information about pleasure, female orgasm and friendship between men and women. I've gotten a freedom from learning things at this website ( welcomed.com ) that have made me feel sexier and more fun in and out of the bedroom. So yes personal development, but with fun and pleasure at the heart of it, not work.
a female opinion,
r
Wow, so very much wrong with that article. Seems to me that you are just trying to convince women that they are all closet "sluts" that should prance around nearly naked screwing every potential partner they come across.
So women only feel sexy prancing about in lingerie? Ever think, just for a minute, that perhaps the reason women prefer sex in a stable relationship is because it is infinitely more fulfilling than random sex with some stranger? There is nothing wrong with women who don't put out whenever the opportunity presents itself. Nothing wrong with women that wear comfortable clothes.
This is just another article trying to convince women that all they really want to do is please men. Sad, really. Whatever happened to an equal partnership?
I don't see it as that at all. I read this as if it is reassuring women that whatever their feelings on sex, they are perfectly justified. They don't need to suppress or otherwise alter the way they think about sex, because however they feel is right for them.
Naturally, sex with a long-term partner will be more fulfilling because (hopefully) the woman will be open about her desires and the man more understanding of these.
I don't feel that the author was saying that women can only feel sexy in lingerie; rather that women who DO feel sexy in lingerie should not be ashamed of this and they should embrace it -- even if they are not "the type". There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing comfortable clothes, nor is there anything wrong with wearing lingerie.
Ultimately the article aims to help women come to terms with feelings they may have about sex and sexuality and encouraging them to feel good about themselves regardless of whether or not their views match up with what society expects of them.