Women's Internalized Oppression: Undermining Your Own Sexuality
"Slut!"
Like children telling stories about a scary old man, women criticize each other's sexuality - from a safe distance.
"Slut!"
It's hit and run.
"Slut" is what women call a woman who is "too" sexual. It's someone who can enjoy sex without being in love. Someone who admits she enjoys sex more than a woman "should." In other words, it's a woman who can enjoy sex the way only men are supposed to be able to.
"Look at her, all over him. Is she even wearing a bra? God, anyone can tell what's on her mind...what is she, a nympho?"
But there are costs to this sisterly vigilance. Aware that others will be judging them, it makes women wonder if they're withholding their sexuality "enough." Or it makes them proud that they do. Either way, it says that repressing yourself is an important part of sexuality and relationships. And that's a destructive idea.
Women are caught in a historical collision between the sexual values of the past and future. Religion, the media and our families are sending out contradictory messages about sexuality that are driving women crazy.
Consider: Today's woman is supposed to be sexy, but not too sexy.
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Your opinion is degrading to the women who simply enjoy sex. Sex is natural and should be an experience. "Ever think, just for a minute, that perhaps the reason women prefer sex in a stable relationship is because it is infinitely more fulfilling than random sex with some stranger? There is nothing wrong with women who don't put out whenever the opportunity presents itself. Nothing wrong with women that wear comfortable clothes." No there is nothing wrong with that, but there is also nothing wrong with promiscuity.
I think what is being said is that being sexy is a frame of mind and can be expressed by a woman who limits her sexual experiences to a stable relationship. I'm a college student, but I definitely fall into this category. What he was saying is that women should not be afraid of being sexual when THEY want to be. And sexual can be any thing.
All you're doing is "slut-shaming"- making women who WANT to express their sexuality how THEY want to feel bad. That's exactly what he's saying is fucked up.
Fantastic article - especially coming from a man. Two thumbs up!
My problem with this article is that 1) it says women call women sluts. Although that is obviously true, many also call women sluts and this is one of the most vicious weapons they have in their arsenal. Don't pin all the blame on women. Men are attackers too.
2) By referring to these nebulous "most" or "many" women, the author is perpetuating an idea about the confused, victimized women. Just as women's sexual desires and pleasures come in all different forms, so does their internal feelings about sex.
Please don't make sweeping generalizations about women and their desires and feelings. You may think your article is promoting progressive views on sex, but these generalizations can also be damaging. If you are giving anecdotal evidence, treat it as such.
1) The article is about women not men so why should the author distract from it and add a side note that men also call women sluts?
2) The article is too short to not include sweeping generalized statements. Generalized statements are just that, general! They should never be taken as full in depth analysis covering all the bases.
Why do people always get so worked up when every little detail or angle is not covered? If they were, would any article ever make it to completion?
Many thanks to the Author, this is very well written and so obviously needed!
From a woman.