Women's Internalized Oppression: Undermining Your Own Sexuality
"Slut!"
Like children telling stories about a scary old man, women criticize each other's sexuality - from a safe distance.
"Slut!"
It's hit and run.
"Slut" is what women call a woman who is "too" sexual. It's someone who can enjoy sex without being in love. Someone who admits she enjoys sex more than a woman "should." In other words, it's a woman who can enjoy sex the way only men are supposed to be able to.
"Look at her, all over him. Is she even wearing a bra? God, anyone can tell what's on her mind...what is she, a nympho?"
But there are costs to this sisterly vigilance. Aware that others will be judging them, it makes women wonder if they're withholding their sexuality "enough." Or it makes them proud that they do. Either way, it says that repressing yourself is an important part of sexuality and relationships. And that's a destructive idea.
Women are caught in a historical collision between the sexual values of the past and future. Religion, the media and our families are sending out contradictory messages about sexuality that are driving women crazy.
Consider: Today's woman is supposed to be sexy, but not too sexy.
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He's not telling us what to think and do. He's simply telling us not to be afraid to act on our feelings. I enjoy sex as much as a man (I believe that all women can have this pleasure if we simply allow ourselves to) and I've given up on trying to fit into whatever other women have deemed the acceptable amount of sex to have and how much I should enjoy it. I LOVE sex! and there's nothing wrong with that! That's all that this author is trying to get across, don't be afraid to love sex, don't be afraid to love your body and think that you're sexy! You don't have to sleep with random strangers to enjoy sex, he's not saying that we have to throw ourselves at men, even with our husbands and boyfriends, don't be afraid to do what YOU want to do in bed to make sure that you get off. He's not trying to get girls to be promiscuous, just to get us to quit holding back in bed to make sure that our partner gets all the pleasure, we deserve to enjoy sex and he's encouraging us to make sure that we get all the pleasure we can out of sex rather than concentrating on the man's needs or worrying about not being sexy enough.
I completely disagree.
SOME of the women who act sexy in public and have a lot of sex with random strangers are insecure, and some are not. There are women who act sexy in public because it is their own (individual) true nature to do so, and they are completely confident and secure. This article is aimed at those women, to tell them that it is perfectly OK, to counter the damaging critisism from people like you.
If you find people who sleep around disgusting, then that is YOUR issue, not theirs. Let them live their lives and stop trying to take their joy away from them.
I'm a man, and I'm glad to say that I've helped some women get over their fears of being judged, where they subsequently went on to sleep around a bit, just like they really wanted to. They were really happy about it afterwards :)
For the record, I also recognize that there are other women who would find it truly unnatural to sleep around a lot. And that is perfectly fine as well :)
Gross or not, we females have just as much of a right to be willingly promiscuous as men and it shouldn't be simply because the man tricked us into it or made us feel obligated because he paid for dinner. As long as you practice safe sex then you should be okay.
Great article!
Though I must include that women and men who knowingly sleep with other people's partners are malicious and I can't begin to understand how someone could knowingly hurt another person like that. I've been cheated on and it's a pain that I would never wish on another person.
What does that have to do with anything?