HerArticle

I hate it when someone tries to tell me why I do or say something - especially a man - and especially when he's wrong.

A slut is a person who uses sex for approval from someone, most often without realizing this is the reason. A slut learns this is the only way that someone will love them, probably from distant or otherwise poor parenting.

A free spirit is a woman who decides for herself when and where she wants sex and isn't intimidated by social norms.

My boyfriend and intimate friends would say that I am comfortable with my sexuality, although I chose to remain mostly modest in public and have only had a few partners. My choices with regard to attire and behavior are driven much more by the rape culture in the US than by how I "feel" about sex. It is easy to say a rape or sexual assault "shouldn't" be the woman's fault for how she was dressed or behaved. The reality is that many Americans, upon hearing someone was raped after a night at the bar, will think that she probably had too much to drink and was acting like a floozy around the men in the bar. No one comes out and says "she asked for it" but that is unfortunately what is implied and what the victim often feels after telling friends and family about it. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR RAPE AND ASSAULT, but I have seen it happen time and time again (I am an advocate for sexual assault victims...even their families, mothers, sisters can react this way when confronted with the truth).
My advice is to do whatever you feel comfortable doing, don't take drinks or anything else from a man, even an acquaintance, that you don't plan on having sex with, and learn how to defend yourself. When a woman you know confides that she has been raped or assaulted, don't ask her what she was wearing or why she got in the car/didn't fight harder/took the drink - just listen and ask what you can do to support her. And if you are ever in a rape or sexual assault situation, I have two words: Shoot him.

Wow! So many women trying to validate themselves with reasons to call other women sluts! It only goes to show the article is in fact correct! Some women clearly take delight in name-calling if they feel the other party deserves it. I would counter that if overly provocatively dressed women who are promiscuous in an unnecessarily overt way do in fact have the problems professed here, such as insecurities, STD's and the like, then they hardly need the sharp judgements and put-down's that other women seem so keen to assert. Some loving kindness might be a better approach for the 'slut', and the women who is so happy to deride someone so instantly based on her looks and behaviour at a given time. It always comes off as jealousy and insecurity on the behalf of the name-caller. Why would someone comfortable with their own appeal feel the need to put someone down with such a vile name? If these women do infact feel real pity at the sight of an overtly sexual woman, they would be less likely to call her a name than give some loving attention to her.

I believe that many of the women that responded to this article defending their rights to call other women sluts are insecure and have trouble containing their jealousy at another woman's sexuality, body, and the attention she attracts from men.

How do I know this? I've done it myself. I've felt threatened by women I've met who I perceived to be more sexy than myself, and have resorted to put-downs in a silly effort to elevate myself above the woman. But I'm hardly proud of it! As I continue to grow as an emotionally and spiritually mature woman, I choose to make myself aware of my uncomfortable feelings and behaviours, and strive to change my negative attitudes. It is NEVER helpful to put another person down or call them names, even if they truly are everything terrible you imagine. How on earth does it help anyone? I'm surprised women would defend the idea that calling certain women sluts is ok.

Being an attractive woman has garnered me much jealousy and judgement from other women, and I sense these kind of ladies the minute I enter a room, and avoid them like the plague. I believe they are the insecure ones with problems. I don't dress overtly sexily, and although married now, have only been in long-term relationships as a young adult. Nevertheless, just the ease I have with myself and other people is enough to have been called all sorts of terrible untrue things over the years . It's easy to sense when you're being judged negatively.

I think that the women who attest to vile name-calling need to have a look at themselves, and ask themselves what they get out of it. I know from the odd occasion I've succumbed to it that my honest partners have openly told me how unattractive they find the behaviour. Unfortunately it's always negative, and shows the insecurity of the name-caller.

Now for the rest of the article (the slut part was barely a chapter out of the many!), I wholeheartedly agree with the writer. It is so wonderful to finally be liberated of my earlier conceptions about how I should be sexually, to just fully be myself, and to have learned how to enjoy sex in a deep and connected way. For me, even though I consider my husband incredibly attractive, and our sex wonderful, an active imagination and fantasy life helps me 'let go' and soar into intense orgasms. Well, that and the freedom to touch myself during sex (without embarrassment) to bring things up a notch whenever I feel like it!

Needless to say, I've got a great sex-life, and my husband can't believe his luck being with someone who knows how to please herself, thus making things less confusing for him! And I don't need to feel threatened by other women that show 6 inches of cleavage in skin tight clothing and suggestive behaviour (next to my small breasts, and more modest attire). Being secure in your own sexuality and attractiveness - at least to one person - should make name-calling and put-downs a thing of the past.

Please women. Think about yourselves in an honest way. You're not fooling anyone.