Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and a Shrinking World: Goodbye Library
In 1999, I went from having six week episodes of CFS symptoms that would then disappear, to having symptoms all day every day.
My world began to shrink.
The last time I went to the library that fall, I had my five children with me, ages 8 - 16. We headed down the stairs to the kids' section and I knew I was in trouble by the time I'd gone down the first few steps.
The neurological symptoms hit full force. The shaking started. My brain filled with fog, and I had trouble concentrating. The kids wandered from book to book, while I wandered from shelf to shelf. I was having trouble standing up, let alone walking.
I felt like I'd had a couple too many drinks. I was afraid I would bump into the walls. I was afraid someone might speak to me, and I would stand there gaping.
The rushing sensations, the inner tremor, began in earnest. I knew I had about five minutes to get us OUT of there.
This was not a panic attack. I was not afraid of the library. I WANTED to be there. I had always felt at home there. This was an all-systems crash about to crest.
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