The Season of New Beginnings
However, in the joy of their celebration, we lose focus that this life event marks not only a new beginning for the graduate, but a new beginning for the parents as well. One phase of the parents’ life – the life that revolved around PTA, car pools, little league, senior prom - is beginning to close. As our children begin the walk through the doorway to their future, we begin our walk into the next phase of our lives as well – a walk where we are no longer the parents of small children. A walk where we are no longer needed on a daily basis to kiss away the hurts of a scraped knee or broken heart. A walk where we have become the parents of fully functioning, self-sufficient adults who don’t quite “need” us in the same way that they did when they were young.
Despite the fact that we’ve worked our child’s entire life to bring them to this point – to enable them to take a leap of faith into their future – to equip them to be independent and separate from us, many of us still find our personal transition at this time overwhelming and daunting. I’ll never forget my reaction when my oldest step-son left for the Marine Corps after high school. He’d come to live with us when he was four years old.
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What an excellent article of how you not only gave yourself permission to move on but how you also made a conscious decision to change the meaning of "empty nest".
Many don't realize, like you have, that we all have the power to change the meaning of any event. You changed the meaning from losing your identity to finding the opportunity to invent a new identity or rediscover an identity you had years ago that you enjoyed.
I truly believe that every event that happens has the potential to be a powerful force for both "good" or "bad" in our lives. I think that the difference in the ultimate outcome rests within ourselves. We may not be able to control the event, but we have a choice on how we ultimately respond to the event. That response makes the difference between "life" and "death" in terms of how we live.
It would have been very easy at that point in time in my life to lose myself for good. In fact, it would have been much easier than the path I chose. Leaving my comfort zone was one of the hardest journeys I ever started. In the long run, the struggle has been so worth it. I'm so glad I made the choice that I did. It's also had the benefit of setting an example for my daughter (who is transforming her life at the moment) and my granddaughter as well.
Mary, that was very inspiring. Did you really find a bucket of stink bombs in his room? That would have stopped my tears as well. It's a wonderful gift you gave your children of actually loving them and caring for them while they changed from chubby caterpillars to beautiful butterflies.
I actually did find an honest-to-goodness (or is that badness?) stink bomb in a gallon jar under his bed. He worked at Kentucky Fried Chicken just before he left for the Marines and had been bringing home leftover mashed potatoes and gravy to add to the concoction (trying to gain optimal "stink" power)! He used to tell us that he kept dreaming his bed was a bucket of chicken. After cleaning out from under his bed, I knew why!!!
I loved your analogy of "chubby caterpillars to beautiful butterflies." I think we all love the chubby caterpillar stage but when you finally see that butterfly in full flight - well, it's just awesome and so worth the loss of the caterpillar.
I like your optimism! These days, I see too many people worrying about the future instead of living in the present. Thank you for a better perspective!