How to Act Like An Old Lady
2.) When you get your photo taken in honor of your 100th birthday, examine the proofs and tell the photographer that you think your face looks too wrinkled. When the photographer assures you that he can airbrush those out for just $100.00 more, tell the photographer to just photograph you from a little further away for free. Thus, the wrinkles are far less visible, and you have saved yourself $100.00!
3.) When you are 102 years of age and on vacation in Colorado, take a spin on a Harley. When someone offers you assistance on getting on the hog, slap his hand and proclaim, “I can do this myself!”
4.) When you catch your 45-year-old granddaughter working on the computer, ask her about those Internet porn sites. Then see how you respond when she says, “Gee, Grandma….looks like I have found your profile here!”
5.) When you are on a Caribbean cruise to celebrate yet ANOTHER birthday, grab your granddaughter’s new husband and take him up to the topless deck. After all, you want to see if anything has changed from that standpoint since the early 1900s!
6.) When it is time to go out to dinner, head to the nearest buffet-style restaurant. Rush immediately to the buffet to see if the food is anything to your liking.
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Ann,
I'm astonished! How wonderful! This is one of my favorite posts of all time.
Even coming from a family where the woman are long-lived, I am in awe of your grandmother. I and most of my friends are just past 50, and a person does a lot of thinking right around 50 about "the next 50" and what it might hold. How much potential is there for new skills, new experiences, new arcs of development? How much time is left and how good can that time be? What will we do in our second 50 that we didn't or couldn't do in our first 50? What are the possibilities?
Thanks for reminding all of us that we better get off our keisters and get to it, because with your grandmother working on "her third 50," clearly the rest of us have some work to do in this regard! She's leaving us in the dust!
Every time I feel like I need a break or something, I merely think of my grandma and how much she has done in her life. From that perspective, I have my work cut out for me!
What a great story--it was a joy to read!
I am so curious---where did your grandmother move to?
I am also astonished that "growing old" for women is something to be dreaded and despised. We are all getting older every day, and I am saddened to see "the elderly" not being treated with respect, or sought-out for their stories.
I am in my mid-30s, and am receiving messages every day (magazine, internet, TV, junk mail) that I should make it my life mission to do everything in my power now to stop the aging process---no wrinkles, no gray hair. Why are we accepting that these qualities are ugly in the first place? I hope current and future generations will combat this negative stereotype and embrace beauty--regardless of age!
I think that society often confuses the words "elderly" or "old" with the words "frail" and "irrelevant." Ann's grandmother may be old, but she's about as far from frail or irrelevant as it gets -- and I imagine she gets plenty of respect!!
But I think once an older person starts to become frail, society starts writing him or her off, as though they no longer matter, they no longer have anything to contribute. And in a culture where that exists, I think it's natural for people to not want to appear to be old. It's almost a math equation:
If O=I and O=G, G is negative.
(As long as old=irrelevant and old=gray, gray will be seen as negative.)
When we see young people adding gray streaks to their hair because it makes them look cool, then we'll know we're getting somewhere!
I love her,too. I'm a shirttail relative and proud to say so.