My First Summer Living With An Anorexic
During our first meal together that summer, it was evident: something had changed. After spending all day cooking our favorite meal, home made Italian sauce, meatballs, spaghetti, garlic bread and salad, there was no response when she walked in the door. Usually as soon as Meg smelled my Italian sauce she would say, “Oh the kitchen smells so wonderful. Can I taste the sauce; can I steal a meatball?” But she said nothing.
Traditionally when we have a spaghetti dinner, I always filled our dishes from the stove, but Meg asked to fill her own plate for the first time. I watched as she artfully placed about ten strands of spaghetti, a tablespoon of sauce and one small meatball around her plate so they took up as much room as possible. She claimed she’d eaten during the ride home. At my prompting, she had what amounted to three tablespoons of salad, no dressing or garlic bread.
It was painful to witness Meg as she rearranged the food on her plate to mimic eating. She acted as if she’d rather be anywhere else in the world but at our kitchen table eating her formerly favorite meal. Since it was her first meal at home, I hated to start nagging.
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Mary,
I guess it's our own human nature to find fault in ourselves when we can't control the outcome of events. We look for ways that we could have. Somehow, some way, we could have changed the course of history had we only done this, had we only concentrated on that.
My best friend's niece was killed when a semi-truck driver with brakes that had not been maintained slammed into the family car on the highway. The driver was arrested and is in jail; the trucking company was found liable and was massively fined; the brakes were found to not only have not been maintained, but they had been tied up out of the way. It was a horrible state of affairs, and the trucking company was clearly responsible.
But do you know that to this day, the niece's father (who was driving at the time) still runs the what-ifs, and still feels like if he hadn't chosen that road, or if he hadn't decided where they would eat lunch, Beth would still be here. He blames himself for not being able to protect his daughter. (And the reality is that it is amazing the rest of them even got out alive.)
What you're doing -- writing about this -- is teaching others to not trust the lies, to not go easy, to be active and assertive when a loved one has anorexia. That's amazing, and brave, and very generous of you. You are helping other people. My hope for you is that you can do it without guilt.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Mary - I'm hoping to hear about a positive turn in Meg's behavior. As she's surrounded by medical professionals where she works, perhaps someone will be able to crack her wall of denial and turn her around.
You've done what you thought you should. All the best to you.
What part of Hampton are you from? I guess that question isn't going to give me much information since I'm more of a Newport News girl. I've only been familiarizing myself with Hampton for two and a half years.
I really enjoy reading your stories, by the way. I check every week to see if you've updated.
I appreciate your checking in to read my about my daughter's battle with anorexia. They are very hard for me to write, but I should have another article in this week.
Mary S