Don't Believe Everything You Think: Twisted Thinking Patterns
My favorite bumper sticker:
Don't Believe Everything You Think
We all know these "tips" below, but how many of us still fall into the trap of negative thoughts, which inevitably become negative feelings, mood and behavior?! If we don't "believe everything we think", and reframe our negative thoughts, we may be able to prevent some negative moods, feelings...and even how we react to them!
So, I'm going to share some of my personal examples of my negative thinking, in hopes to shatter any "truthiness" (to quote Stephen Colbert) that they may have. I hope you will join me, in adding your examples, too!
How many times have you dived head first into any one of these "Ten Twisted Thinking Patterns:?
1) ALL-OR-NOTHING THINKING
(The situation is less than perfect; you think it is a total failure. Also known as black and white thinking)
> My example: my husband turns the temperature to a warm 77 degrees, right after I turned it down to a nice 75. My only thought: he knows I can't stand for it to be up that high, so he must be mad at me and retaliating! (FYI--his thought: he was cold, so turned the AC down).
> Your example: ??
2) OVERGENERALIZING
(Something bad happens to you, and you see it as a never-ending pattern of defeat. Use words like "always" or "never")
> My example: I decide to go jog in the morning, to do something nice for myself. I get up early, get my exercise clothes on...and it's raining! I think that I am NEVER going to be able to exercise again!
> Your example: ??
3) MENTAL-FILTER
(Select one detail and dwell on it all day, until that is all you remember of the situation)
> My example: after giving a presentation to some students, I received a few compliments and one criticism and focused on that negative remark until I thought the presentation was poor, I am not a good public speaker.
> Your example: ??
4) JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS
(interpret things as negative when there are no facts to support your conclusion)
> My example: I invited my sister over to dinner on Friday night, but she already had plans. I then invited my neighbors over for after-dinner drinks for Friday night, but they weren't available, either. I thought that I might not ever have friends over to enjoy my new home with me.
> Your example: ??
5) EMOTIONAL REASONING
(Assume your emotions are the way things really are)
> My example: I feel irritable and unhappy right now, so I must have a very miserable and unstable life. I'm angry, so therefore my family must be treating me unfairly.
> Your example: ??
6) SHOULD-STATEMENTS
(Tell yourself things should be the way you expect them to be; these statements are directed against yourself and can lead to guilt and frustration)
> My example: I should be preparing a complete, healthy dinner right now for my family, but I don't feel like it, but I shouldn't have spent so much money on groceries, and we shouldn't spend money on going out to eat...so now I'm frustrated and have no options!
> Your example: ??
Okay....that's all I can handle! :-) There are a few more "twisted patterns of thinking", including Labeling, Blaming, Discounting the positive and Magnification (exaggerating shortcomings). Why do we do this to ourselves...basically exaggerate the negative thoughts and not the positive ones?
So...I actually feel better writing and sharing my twisted thinking patterns (if not a little embarrassed!), because once they are written down and then read...they seem ridiculous and can clearly be "solved" (I realize these are not life-altering events, here!). Isn't it interesting...the power of our thoughts?!
I hope you share yours as well! Plus, any ways you combat these negative thoughts? Writing them down is just one way.
Here are some book recommendations from the Mayo Clinic on changing your mood, used in cognitive behavioral therapy:
"Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy," David D. Burns, M.D.
"Mind Over Mood: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think," Dennis Greenberger, Ph.D. and C. Padesky, Ph.D.
Comments
I like that bumper sticker!
I learned a long time ago that we can't go through life according to "coulda-shoulda-woulda-haves." So, I make every effort to avoid that trap and just accept responsibility for whatever decisions I do make, right or not so right.
It's easy for us to think the worst, I think especially for us women, as we naturally seek approval and acceptance. Well, some of us do; I really don't give a rat's patoot what anybody thinks about me because I can't do anything about it. So, I just don't worry about the things I can't control.
My husband and I celebrate our 30th anniversary next week. He has taught me a lot about dealing with adversaries and tough situations with a bit of humor and how to laugh at myself. It's a lesson we've tried to teach our children, so that they're not tearing themselves apart like you are in your own examples.
Life is too short. Like the character, Auntie Mame, said:
"Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!"
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