Ellen shares how she dealt with the loss of control when diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
Well that’s an interesting question because I am a control freak and I am a perfectionist and I usually like to see things go on my own timeline, my own way. So in the beginning, I tried to control the process. I tried to control the date of my hysterectomy. I tried to control the date I was first going to get my chemo. I wanted everything to fall inline in my timeline.
My chemo was actually six sessions, three weeks apart, and my first question was. “Can we do them two weeks apart or a week and a half apart? I can take it, I can do it faster.” All I wanted to do was get through everything and, I tried that and then, I also figured that if I went balder faster that the process would go faster. So the first thing I did, right after my first chemo was I didn’t want to wait to get bald so within a couple of days I shaved my head and I thought like I was controlling the process at that point.
So every little thing that I could do to make my own decisions and kick in my own timing was there for me. I just really couldn’t control the medical aspects or how long I would have downtime between my sessions. You have to learn a balance of what you can control and what you can’t control and I think that was a big lesson for me.
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