Are Parents Sabotaging College Preparation for their Kids?

By Darlene Oakley HERWriter

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college preparation: are parents sabotaging it for their kids?

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The Right School: No Guarantee

So many parents desperately focus all their attention on trying to get their child into the “right” school because they believe that school will give their child a long-term advantage. Little do they know that all this effort may actually result in long-term disadvantages instead for their child. (1)

A study released in 2007 conducted by Alan Krueger, a Princeton economist, and researcher Stacy Berg Dale showed that students who attended state schools, even though they’d been admitted to an Ivy League school, had the same income as those students who attended Ivy League schools.

Pressure to Get into the Right School can Harm Kids

All the effort and focus goes into the college application and courses, but the stress the parents put on kids about grades and tests and extracurricular activities can have negative effects.

“Consistent exposure to stress and cortisol (the stress hormone) impairs the immune system and reduces emotional resilience. Sustained exposure over time is associated with increased rates of depression, divorce and substance abuse later in life.” (1) Not exactly the successful outcome parents assume their efforts will bring about.

It is important to be involved in your child’s academic life and career, but there is an effective way of being involved that will empower and prepare them for success.

What Kids Need to Learn to Succeed in College and in Life

Helicopter parenting is becoming more and more common, where parents are overprotective and concerned about preventing anything bad, even as small as a scraped elbow, from happening to their child. Unfortunately, this parenting method also doesn’t teach children how to manage and survive in a world that isn’t risk- free or has negative things that can happen and cause pain.

Tim Elmore, founder and president of Growing Leaders, has more to say about how parents affect their children's chances of success in this article on his Growing Leaders page.

For the moment, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of the kinds of things your kids need to learn to succeed ...

Focus on process rather than results
The goal is to help your child develop a strong work ethic, and the ability to think a problem through and come up with a solution. These can be taught and developed in an environment of positive reinforcement and modeling.

Extracurricular activities should match your child
Don’t force your children into activities that you want for them if they’re not remotely interested in them or inclined to them. Engage them and let them choose activities that suit their skills, but will also challenge them to learn something new and deepen the skills and knowledge they already have.

Avoid overscheduling and ensure proper amount of sleep
Your child needs sleep, free play time, and time to interact with family and friends. Your child needs at least 8.5 hours of sleep, free play develops independence and creativity, and time with family and friends fosters emotional intelligence.

“The brain consolidates learning at night and strengthens executive functions. If schoolwork and extracurricular activities reduce sleep, they are more harm than help.” (1)

Finding the “right” college should focus on the “right” fit for your child
It’s not crucial that the college has the best rating in the country, but that they have the right program and the right fit for your child.

Focus on skills needed to survive college
So many students lack the independence and self-control needed to really take on the responsibilities of college and being on their own. Summer camp and part-time jobs help your child learn what it’s like to manage things on their own.

Sources:

1) Preparing Teens for College: An Alternative Approach. Baskin, Steve. Psychology Today. Web. Accessed: July 28, 2014.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/smores-and-more/201309/preparing-teens-college

2) Three Huge Mistakes We Make Leading Kids…and How to Correct Them. Elmore, Tim. GrowingLeaders.com. Web. Accessed: July 28, 2014.
http://growingleaders.com/blog/3-mistakes-we-make-leading-kids

3) How to Help My Child Prepare For College. CampusExplorer.com. Web. Accessed: July 28, 2014.
http://www.campusexplorer.com/college-advice-tips/3FDF0DF3/How-to-Help-My-Child-Prepare-For-College

Reviewed July 30, 2014
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.