Challenges that Face Grandparents Raising Their Grandchildren

By Darlene Oakley HERWriter

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Census records from 2010 posted by the AARP show that 4.9 million children in the United States live in households headed by grandparents. (1) This living arrangement can occur as a result of drug use or abuse on the part of the parent/parents, neglect, illness, death or incarceration.

Because of these circumstances, children and grandparents are often thrust into not only adjusting to each other and learning to cope with the extra responsibility and cost, but also into dealing with all the emotional and legal ramifications that come with the family restructuring.

Emotional Challenges of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

There are emotional challenges on both the side of the grandchildren and the grandparents.

For grandparents, there are positive emotions, “like the love you feel for your grandchildren, the joy in seeing them learn and grow, and the relief at giving them a stable environment ...” (3)

There are also not-so-positive emotions, such as:

• Resentment towards the parent(s) for leaving you with the responsibility of caring for their child or of other grandparents who get to enjoy their retirement.

• Guilt and feeling “responsible for your child’s failure as a parent, second-guessing and regretting your own mistakes when you were first parenting.” (3)

• Grief over the loss of your child or your child’s behavior that has brought this situation into place, and the loss of your independence.

Grandchildren are also feeling these emotions, but often don’t have the benefit of life experience and wisdom to help them figure everything out. So grandparents are really dealing with both their own emotions and helping their grandchildren deal with theirs.

Legal Challenges of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Emotions are somewhat logical and expected when it comes to such a change in the family dynamics. What grandparents may not expect are the legal challenges of becoming the primary caregiver.

Taking over the care of grandchildren doesn’t automatically mean that schools, doctors and other authorities will acknowledge the fact that you’re the primary caregiver and that you’re authorized to make decisions for the child.

The AARP has a great list of things that grandparents need to know, questions they should ask, and of whom they should be asked, here.

Of most importance are the documents you need to have on hand to reinforce your right to make decisions for your grandchildren, such as:

• Birth certificates, death certificates, marriage records or divorce decrees for their parents

• Social security cards/numbers for the children

• Medical and dental records

• Power of Attorney, custody, guardianship, adoption or other legal papers

• Consent forms signed by parents for medical care and education

• Proof of child support payments, or trust fund, etc., for your grandchild

• Proof of your own income and assets (necessary if you apply for public benefits)

• Citizenship papers for you or for your grandchildren

• Military papers for you or their parents

The AARP and Generations United are great resources for grandparents facing this challenge. Many individual states also offer their own support services. So check those out as well.

Sources:

1. More Grandparents Raising Grandkids. Goyer, Amy. AARP. Web. Nov 20, 2013.
http://www.aarp.org/relationships/grandparenting/info-12-2010/more_grandparents_raising_grandchildren.html

2. Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Goyer, Amy. AARP. Web. Nov 20, 2013.
http://www.aarp.org/relationships/friends-family/info-08-2011/grandfamilies-guide-getting-started.2.html

3. Grandparents as Parents: The Rewards & Challenges of Raising Grandchildren. Smith, Melinda & Segal, Jeanne. HelpGuide.org. Web. Nov 20, 2013.
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_family_grandparents_raising_grandchildren.htm

4. Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. U.S. Department of Health & Human Services Administration for Children & Families. Web. Nov 20, 2013.
https://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/supporting/resources/grandparents.cfm

5. Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Web. Nov 20, 2013.
http://www.aamft.org/imis15/content/consumer_updates/Grandparents_Raising_Grandchildren.aspx

Reviewed November 20, 2013
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.