Love Hate Relationship With Technology; Media Addiction and Parenting

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I’m just going to come right out and say it. It may be taboo or controversial, but here it is. I regret letting my children watch television and play video games. I started out as a hippie mom from a hippie background. I met the father of my children at an environmental organization. I was, for many years, a vegetarian and then a vegan. (I am slowly making my way back full circle).

But somewhere between saving the whales and preventing toxic dumping, tofu salad and seaweed as a food group, my then-husband became a corporate lawyer, we moved to the most materialistic city on the planet (Los Angeles) were divorced, I moved back East to a sleepy little Connecticut town with my boys, was remarried, and here we are, the kids get straight A’s but are addicted to computer games and television and of course, it is all my fault.

It’s so insidious it makes my head ache. What starts off as a lovely little children’s program becomes, twelve years later, full-on media addiction which replaces outdoor activities, social interaction and boredom as ways of passing one’s life. It’s as if boredom has become the new evil in our land; if the children are bored, they will become depressed, which will lead to anti-depressant medication, so let’s keep everyone entertained and “happy” at all times.

My children have been through the mill and having to deal with divorce, a move across the country and a remarriage are at the top of the list of stressors for any human being. That being said, they have had a tremendous amount of affection, verbal and emotional support, positive reinforcement and genuine love on a daily, sometimes hourly basis and now live in an extremely stable, peaceful and supportive environment. We eat together as a family, we help the boys with all their homework. We play family games of Monopoly and Frisbee and walk the dog as a group, at night, pointing out constellations to one another.

All in all, the kids are fine. Yet their primary objective, once the chores, homework, and other necessities of life are out of the way, is to sit down with their favorite computer game or television show, and let it steal their soul. It’s taken me ages to admit how uncomfortable I am with all the media and technology surrounding us but I’m finally coming out of the closet to myself to say: I can’t stand it. I like a good veg-out period in front of the screen and in front of the television myself, which is why it’s so difficult to take it away from the whole family.

What I wish is that young mothers and fathers would realize that media addiction is a real addiction, just like sugar, and if you’re going to give your baby that first cookie, you’d better be prepared for some screaming when you don’t give her another. Lately I’ve begun scheduling outdoor time for my sons, especially now that the weather is growing cold. Pushing, prodding and cajoling, they nevertheless MUST get outside, at least for a brisk walk, at most for an hour or two of tossing the football, kicking a soccer ball, or playing Frisbee.

I admire those families that go “off the grid” although I know I won’t do it. I sometimes fantasize about a Y2K scenario in which we lose all power and have to start from scratch, this time with the wisdom to know that too much information is not healthy.

In the meantime, I monitor my sons and force them to, whenever possible, simply unplug.

Aimee Boyle wrestles with her boys sometimes, but always wrestles with her guilt on the beautiful shoreline of CT. She knows she hasn't done it right, but she's got nine more years to try harder. She is a regular contributor to EmpowHER.

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ZoeTango

I totally agree with your thought about technology failing and all of us having to start over from scratch. I think about that all the time! And you're right about technology being an addiction for many people. Actually, YourTango has a funny video/PSA out about a family dealing with a mother's addiction to social media and her cell phone. While it's a hilarious spoof, it leaves me wondering if something that tragic is on our horizon as a society, you know?
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December 1, 2010 - 7:26am

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