Divorce Resource Advocate Linda Kazares offers tips to women raising stepchildren.
If you have recently gotten married to someone who has children there’s always that other person, those other people in the relationship.
And you have to realize that those people were in your spouse’s life before you were. There are certain bonds there that aren’t going to change. All of you are going to be just as important to that person.
Some of the things that I have learned along the way, again because I have done a lot of the wrong things and I have learned how not to repeat those, a couple of tips are to make sure that you integrate yourself when your spouse goes to visit those children, little children or adults.
It’s important for you to start to develop a circle of activities that you are involved in.
Early on I just figured they were his kids. I used to spend more time with the ex-wife just chatting over coffee.
Again, experience helped me get here, maybe I wouldn’t repeat that again. Older children are a whole different issue because they have had clearly a longer period of time with their parent.
Again, it’s make sure you show up and not try to replace those children. You won’t replace them nor should your spouse let them replace you. There’s always a balance in terms of negotiating, which goes back to communication.
I have heard stories about people who sit down at the table every night and each one of them comes up with a topic to talk about that’s important to them that has to do with the family.
That might be an option that you’d like to take a look at. Again, very difficult to communicate because a lot of emotions can come out of that kind of conversation, but if you can keep that conversation open then I think you’ll find that you are going to have a lot of fun with your new family.
About Linda Kazares:
She is the author of several marketing books and was a consultant to Fortune 500 technology companies. During her 35+ years as an entrepreneur, she has been divorced twice, produced of 50 conferences and has been married for 13 years happily for a third and final time. She has created the ConnectedIn Divorce Resource website to make available qualified information and education for individuals considering, in the process of or after divorce.