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Things I Took for Granted Before I Had Kids

 
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Parenthood has brought me joy like I have never felt before but like many new parents, I had NO IDEA was I was getting into. The constant surprises keep me laughing if I am not crying or asking out loud, “WHY? WHY ME?” Here is my top ten list of the things that I took for granted before having kids.

10. RUNNING ERRANDS
Gone are the days where I am able to “run in real quick” to do anything. Not going to Ulta for some make-up that I ran out of. Not returning the impulse buy from Target. Something as simple as buying a gallon of milk or package of diapers, takes planning and real effort. Thank goodness for my husband and his Blackberry. If I realize that I need something from the store, I will send him a note with grocery items to buy. He stops on his way home and I don’t have to load three kids into the car, along with everything they need. This brings me to #9-“Leaving the house.”

9. LEAVING THE HOUSE
Before Kids (which I commonly refer to as BK), leaving the house consisted of checking my make-up and hair, finding matching shoes for my outfit and grabbing my purse. Now, with three kids, I make sure everyone is dressed, brush three sets of teeth, find shoes for the kids (and sometimes socks which don’t always match), pack snacks, drinks, books for the car, and search for the Lego figure of choice that day, complete with all his accessories, of course. Then everything gets loaded in the car. It takes about 10 minutes to get all the kids to stop crawling around inside the car and get strapped into their seats. I run into the house at least two more times for items that I have forgotten. By the time that I get back out to the car, someone has to use the bathroom. Finally after everyone is strapped back in, I sit down and start to move the car as sweat drips down my back. This is all for a trip to the post office to mail a package. If it is your birthday and you get a gift in the mail from me, you are very special.

8. DAILY SHOWERS
I reference my article last week, “Can Showering Improve Your Mood?” As I explain in that article, “When I became a Mom, I didn’t realize that a shower would turn into a luxury instead of a necessity.”

7. PRIVACY IN THE BATHROOM
If I am lucky enough to not have someone inside the bathroom with me, it is usually because they are standing outside the closed door and trying to talk through it. My Mom tells me that my brothers and I used to do it too. Even worse, she would see our little fingers reaching under the door as we spoke to her, apparently because we thought that she could hear us better if we talked under the door. And I admit it, I sometimes tell my kids that I am leaving to go to the bathroom but not because I have to go, I just need some alone time. Even if it is not always quiet time.

6. MY PERSUASION AND MULTI-TASKING SKILLS
Even when I worked outside of the home, I didn’t fully appreciate my sales abilities. Since having children I have become a pro at getting my kids to do what I want them to and THINK it is their idea. It is not easy. It takes patience and sometimes a lot of time. I have also grown into an incredible multi-tasker. Just about every Mom that I know can do several things at the same time. It is acquired out of necessity. There is not enough time in a day for a parent to do everything that needs to be done. So prioritizing also has the opportunity to be perfected. Employers should keep this experience in mind when they are considering hiring a woman that is re-entering the work place after being on hiatus while raising her children.

5. WARM MEALS
I used to serve everyone their meal before I began to eat. Without fail, someone would need help in the bathroom or would ask for a drink, a napkin, more food, or a different utensil each and every time I sat down. This used to mean that I would heat up my food numerous times before actually eating dinner or everyone would finish before I would even start. I wanted to show my boys that Moms (and women) have the same importance as everyone else at the dinner table. Now I have a rule that if Mom or Dad are eating, they will finish eating before they get up to get something. I follow my rule, most of the time.

4. HAVING NICE FURNITURE
I remember visiting a friend one day. When I arrived to her house, she answered the door, turned and realized that her little boy’s pants were soaking wet. “NO! NO! NO!” She screamed as she ran to her new couch. She reluctantly placed her hand on the delicate fabric. As she feared, her hand was wet, as was her beautiful couch. Her body crumpled to the floor and she sobbed, “It’s not even paid for yet!” I know that some people will say that you just need to train your kids to take care of things. You should have kids that do not ruin your things and let me guess, they probably also shouldn’t throw tantrums in public and are perfect children all of the time. I don’t think that kids like that exist. Those would be the Stepford Children, an Urban Kid Myth. I will admit that some kids are more destructive than others but most of my furniture tragedies happened by pure accident. It still makes you want to cry but accidents do happen.

3. CLEAN CLOTHES
After my baby was born, I tried hard to break the sloppy clothes habit. The comfortable, loose fitting clothes were my “GO TO” outfits. But even when I wore normal clothes that fit, there always seemed to be some mysterious stain somewhere on my outfit. I have a friend that was having such a rough day that she ordered carry out food from a restaurant for dinner. Just as she was ready to walk inside to pick up her food, she realized that one of her kids must have spit up on her during the day because she noticed it all down one of her pant legs. Once I was eating out and showing off my newborn to a friend. He was adorable until he spit up on my shoulder at the table. As I tried to clean up and wipe away most of the excess, I was happy to have hair long enough to cover the mishap. Hey, sometimes parenthood is gross.

2. QUIET TIME
I never knew that I would miss being able to just think and hear only my own voice. I find that when I am driving alone, I don’t even turn on music. I just sit in pleasant and relaxing silence. I am sure that other drivers wonder why I have such a big, goofy grin on my face as I drive down the road, happy in my solitaire.

1. MY OWN PARENTS
I cannot describe the appreciation that I have for my parents. I think they take great joy in hearing the experiences (and challenges) that I have with my children. Their laughter seems to grow with each new story. I love you Mom and Dad!

Add a Comment39 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Great article! I have three boys myself- 5, 3, 15 mos. I could have written this myself!!

September 5, 2009 - 9:30am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

but you didnt because you have kids. Instead, you blog'd.

September 7, 2009 - 11:05am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Some of us figured these out early on, and stopped after having the first one. I mean honestly, did you think it would get easier with more kids?

September 3, 2009 - 6:08am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

Good for you for having three kids. I'm pregnant with my 4th and the woman with only one kid saying some snarky remark about "some people learn this early on, that's why I stopped at one..." is a bitch and I'm sure her single child is lonely, or will be asking for a brother or sister by the time he's 6 years old. By that time, she'll be in menopause and it will be too late. That's where selfishness gets you.

January 25, 2010 - 2:07pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

That's assuming they're that late on in their life. I doubt she'll be in menopause.
And many single children end up being very happy that they were only child's.
Sure, her comment was rude, but since when is having one kid selfish?

Don't assume.

April 11, 2010 - 12:22pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

It would be nice if everyone had the choice to have only one. As for me I had twin girls on the first try. After that I figured it couldn't get much harder and five years later had my third child (another girl). As crazy as it get around my house with 11 year old identical twins and a 5 year old, I wouldn't change it for the world.

September 24, 2009 - 7:18am
(reply to Anonymous)

No, I didn't think it would get easier but sometimes the best things in life are not easy. I am glad that you knew that one child was all that you wanted.

September 3, 2009 - 1:06pm

I always did enjoy privacy in the bathroom; but, the kids enjoyed whispering outside the door. Who knows what they were plotting.

My showers were always mine alone. But, as soon as I got into a bubble bath, there were little raps at my bedroom door.

I didn't worry about kid stuff on my clothes as much as cat fur. Note to self: black or white are for the brave. Lactation was a problem - always seemed to hit in the middle of grocery shopping.

We had table rules. No one started eating until everyone was seated. No one leaves without being excused, either.

We also had a rule about furniture, not that it was always followed. Now that my kids have their own places, maybe I can finally replace the furniture that has managed to outlast their early years. More pieces were destroyed by cats than kids.

I was a supremely organized multi-tasker and thoroughly enjoyed delegating tasks to whomever is standing around with nothing else to do...hehe

Shopping with toddlers was an adventure. While the boys were quite cooperative and well-behaved, my daughter, the youngest, would be more than a handful. She still is!

I did have "quiet time," about the time I fell asleep...usually just before the time I had to wake up. lol!

September 1, 2009 - 5:15pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I had to laugh after reading your article. I remember those days of chaos and mishaps. Rand and Nick are 10 and 11, so some of that stuff has subsided. Hope all is well with you and your family! Tammie

September 1, 2009 - 6:56am
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