Tips to Defuse Toddler Temper Tantrums

By Darlene Oakley HERWriter

Rate This

when toddler temper tantrums need diffusing

NickNick/PhotoSpin

Why do toddlers have temper tantrums?

Temper tantrums don’t just occur during the “terrible twos”, but are actually common from around 12 months up to 4 years. (1)

“Every day, little by little, they’re mastering new abilities and accomplishing new feats, and are anxious and excited to use these new skills.” (2)

Tantrums are not uncommon in young children who are testing new boundaries and discovering the world around them doesn’t always operate the way they want it to.

Part of the strategy for dealing with temper tantrums is learning to avoid them in the first place by reading your child and knowing her personality and needs.

Learn what triggers your toddler into a temper tantrum

Learn to read your child and the different things in her world she’s reacting to:

1) Frustration with her difficulty or inability to tell you what she wants or needs

2) Asserting her independence

3) Feeling lack of control

4) Needing stronger or fewer limits

5) Combination of hunger, fatigue, overstimulation, and boredom

Tips for dealing with temper tantrums

1) Prevention
Plan outings for after snack or naptime and don’t overschedule. If you have to go out, take snacks and drinks with you and plan for sufficient car time that your little one can nap on the way, and plan to leave before your child starts getting tired, hungry or bored.

2) Keep your cool
It is really important to keep your own temper in check. “Kids can sense when parents are becoming frazzled and this can just make their frustration worse.” (2) This may mean you need to put your child in a safe place and take a time out yourself.

3) Ignore it
This is a key tactic when the temper tantrum is an attention getting mechanism and the tantrum poses no threat to your child or others. (2)

4) Empathize with your child
Say something like “I know you’re feeling angry about that, but hitting is not the right thing to do.” A calm voice, with you down on their level goes a long way towards calming them down.

5) Reward wanted behavior
Your child will learn the good behavior that you want even if it’s something like “Thank you for calming down.”

6) Let your child choose
Let him choose whether the red shirt or the blue. Let him choose whether to watch a program on TV or a movie. Children of this age long for that little bit of self-control and confidence from doing something themselves -- including making ordinary decisions. (1, 2)

7) Be Consistent
Consistency enforces that you’re in charge. You also need to learn when to pick your battles and let some things go. It’s tricky to get the balance just right.

8) Distract
Humor, music, activity, silliness and reverse psychology can usually distract your toddler or young child from his tantrum. (3, 4, 5)

“If temper tantrums are becoming more frequent, they haven’t stopped by around age 4, or your child is in danger of hurting herself or others, it’s time to call your pediatrician.” (1)

Sources:

1) Preventing Temper Tantrums in Children. WebMD. Web. Dec 6, 2012.
http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/preventing-temper-tantrums-in-children

2) Disciplining Your Toddler. Kidshealth.org. Web. Dec 6, 2012.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/toddler_tantrums.html

3) Tantrums. WhattoExpect.com. Web. Dec 6, 2012.
http://www.whattoexpect.com/toddler/behavior/tantrums.aspx

4) Keep Your Cool During Toddler Tantrums. Scholastic. Web. Dec 6, 2012.
http://www.scholastic.com/resources/article/keep-your-cool-during-toddler-tantrums/

5) Outsmart Your Toddler: 5 tricks for getting yours to do what you want. Carpenter, Deborah. Parenting.com. Web. Dec 6, 2012.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/HEALTH/parenting/05/23/par.outsmart.kids/index.html

6) How to Handle a Toddler’s Tantrum: 7 Tips that Really Work. ParentWonder. Web. Dec 6, 2012.
http://www.parentwonder.com/how-to-handle-a-toddlers-tantrum-7-tips-that-really-work/

Reviewed December 6, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith

Add a CommentComments

There are no comments yet. Be the first one and get the conversation started!

Darlene Oakley HERWriter View Profile Send Message

We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.