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It was only a few weeks ago that I wrote about how our Standard Poodle, Simone, leaned in the car in anticipation of curves in the road, and then I used that as a metaphor for us all to anticipate the curves ahead of us in the road of our lives. She passed away yesterday after 15 years of wonderful companionship and unconditional love. With a heavy heart I started to reflect on how I feel about it all, and what other lessons we can learn from her passing.
First let me say that I am realistic enough to know that not all of you are animal lovers. Those that are, that have cherished pets of their own will easily identify with my situation. To those of you who are not, however, I would only suggest that you read this in the context of losing a best friend. This is not a criticism, or a suggestion that you should feel differently than you do, it’s just a fact of life that not everyone feels the same way about animals in general or pets in particular. Even if you do not understand the bond that many of us have with our pets, the lessons still apply.
The first thing I realized was that I had no regret. I know how easy it is to lash out at someone we care about because we are stressed, and we always regret it later. To me, that just underscores how important it is that we deal with our stress and manage it well, in order to avoid acting in ways that we will regret later. Too many people take out their frustrations on pets; I know I certainly was tempted several times, but now that she has passed I’m sure glad that I didn’t.
Another thing that I realized is that time is short and we never know how much more time we will have with the people and animals that are important to us. We were lucky in that Simone lived several years longer than poodles her size (about 50 pounds) normally do and that her decline was gradual, giving us some time to adjust to the idea we were going to lose her soon. We aren’t always so lucky, though, and when we suffer a sudden loss due to an accident or unforeseen medical incident (such as a stroke or heart attack), we don’t have time to reconcile. That’s why it is so important to always love the ones around us as much as possible, because we might not have an opportunity to say goodbye.
The third thing I wanted to mention was that in sad and stressful situations, it is important to do whatever comforts you regardless of what others think. We will bury Simone tomorrow in a local pet cemetery, in a double grave with our Saint Bernard who died 7 years ago. We will put some things in her coffin that we think she would like such as her favorite toy, some photos of us all together in happier times, and her own pet, a guinea pig named Roget who died several years ago, whom she found fascinating for hours on end. To see them together was heartwarming, as they played and cuddled. I’ve seen people roll their eyes when they hear about Roget and how we have kept him in a freezer in order to bury them together. I realize that you may be rolling your eyes right now as you read this! Fine… roll away. Will all of this affect Simone? Maybe, but most likely not. WE find comfort in it, though, and that’s what’s important.
I know how important it is to minimize stress, and for so many reasons. But now my work has taken on new meaning for me.
Thank you, Simone.
This article is one in a series on coping strategies for patients and caregivers alike. For more thoughts on caregiving, coping strategies, reducing stress, and just plain fun subscribe to my free monthly newsletter at http://www.CaringAndCoping.com Need a speaker for an upcoming event? I have a program that will knock your socks off! Watch video clips at http://www.ThePPP.org/speaking/#handle
Add a Comment5 Comments
Dave,
The Supremes!!! I am sitting here in my kitchen on my laptop laughing my head off. Thank you for that.
Sweet Simone. What a good dog. Take care, Dave.
October 12, 2009 - 9:41amThis Comment
Thank you for sharing YOUR story... before Simone's decline she was that way as well, following my wife everywhere she went along with our other dogs. I kid her that she was like the Pied Piper.
To complete the story, our other two dogs are also Standard Poodles who are both black and, with Simone (also black), we called them "The Supremes."
I have always found avatars to be quite interesting - you can tell a lot about a person by the way they choose to depict themselves to the world. Your photo is wonderful and the fact that you chose to include her speaks volumes about how you feel and who you are.
October 10, 2009 - 12:09pmThis Comment
I am sorry for the loss of your companion. I love love love this story. I am a avid lover of dogs and have one myself. I can say she is quietly laying at my feet in any anticipation that I may move and she will follow me wherever I go. If you look at my picture, there she is in all her glory.
I enjoy hearing loving stories of pets since they are such a huge part of your life and love you no matter how bad your breath is in the morning. Thank you for sharing this story. It was very moving!
October 10, 2009 - 9:51amThis Comment
Hi Diane
Thanks so much for your words of comfort - Simone was very special. In fact, our vet said that she was "the perfect dog," a phrase that is going on her marker.
We can learn so much from our animals, if we just take the time to look.
October 10, 2009 - 8:18amThis Comment
Dave,
October 7, 2009 - 8:59amI'm so sorry about Simone. It's so painful to lose a family member. Our dogs, too, are beloved members of our family, and when we lose one we're just lost for a while. I'm glad you're doing what comforts you; it's hard to find such things when you're so sad. Take care. You couldn't have done any better.
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