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Reasons Some Women Choose to be Child-Free: Part 2

By HERWriter
 
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As the last article in this series stated, there are plenty of reasons why some women choose not to have children. Another reason, added on to the previous two, is for physical health reasons (besides mental health).

Some women may have physical problems that prevent them from having children, could complicate the pregnancy or even possibly kill them in the process of the pregnancy or labor. There are also factors that could lead to a deformed child. Some women don’t want to have to consider the above, so they abstain from pregnancy. One Web site, www.divinecaroline.com, also lists health as a reason for not having children, as some women don’t want to see their children suffer from passed-on health problems. They might not want to adopt either for personal reasons.

Donna, 48, who wished to not be fully named for privacy reasons, said she decided not to have children for health reasons in an e-mail. Due to a near-fatal car crash, she says the possibility of having a deformed child was high, since her egg count was almost depleted. “The main reason I never had children is because of the medical issue; of course, adoption was always an option once I got married, but after all that I had been through with the car wreck, I lost patience and just couldn't see me finding the time, or patience, that a child needs,” she says.

Women might also not have children because they haven’t found someone they would want to have children with and don’t feel like raising a child on their own. Donna says she was still unmarried when she was 29 so hadn’t thought about having children at that point, until after her car crash. She says she discussed the idea of adoption with her future husband but they both still have decided to stay child-free for right now. She also says she wonders what would have happened if she had a child before the car crash. “Plenty of high school friends married the first guy that came along, had children, got divorced and had to raise the children on their own,” she says. “I could have been one of them.” For women who don’t want to raise children on their own or force the children to go back and forth between parents, perhaps it is better to find a worthy person originally.

This also leads to the issue of not feeling ready or not feeling that a partner is ready to have children, as www.divinecaroline.com also states. The Web site gives a good example, “A child is not like that puppy you wanted when you were eight years old and you promised your parents you’d take care of it, and then when you finally got it you let your parents handle it saying you were busy. You can’t be too busy for a kid, and face it, having a kid is a lot of responsibility.” One Web site, http://conceiveonline.com, discusses ways couples can decide if they’re ready for children. It states that both partners should be ready to have the child in order for it to be a good decision. Otherwise, I personally think a marriage could fail for that reason alone, because who wants to be trapped with an unwanted child? The Web site also says some women choose to have a child to save a failing marriage. I would say that’s another bad decision, as does the Web site, but that could be a whole other article.

Sources:
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22126/84463-some-don-t-children/3
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22126/84463-some-don-t-children
http://conceiveonline.com/relationships-getting-pregnant/ready-to-have-a-baby/

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi Rheyanne,

I want to say I really enjoyed your article, it is so refreshing to read about the child-free lifestyle in a manner that is mature. I believe our society over sentimentalizes childhood and parenthood. I too knew I wanted to be child-free when I was 20 and I was also frustrated by the endless comments saying "Oh you will change your mind". I am now thirty and I still get those comments! I feel that a woman knows whether she does or doesn't want to have children and she knows early. I remember being a teenager and feeling the same way. It is in our biology.

I would also like to thank you for not mentioning the typical reasons pro-parenthood advocates site for people not wanting to have children, like we want to maintain our partying lifestyle and don't want to lose our figure! My reasons are simple: schizophrenia runs in my family (I don't have it but I don't want to risk my offspring getting it), I love my partner too much to put the strain of having children on our relationship and have him relegated to second place, I want to contribute to the world through volunteering and donating to worthy causes instead of raising spoiled western children, I have a fulfilling career that betters the world in a small way, creating more children is detrimental to the environment (especially Western children), I would be a financial burden on them when I get holder and there are many more, none of which are selfish! I want to leave saying that people choose to have children for selfish reasons (to have someone to love, relive childhood, carry on their genes/legacy, to have a living tribute to their partner) and they are in no place to judge other peoples decision and their right to live a complete and fulfilling life!

All the best!

Sandy

January 3, 2010 - 10:45pm

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Rheyanne Weaver
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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.