There are two elements to post rape syndrome that should be treated individually, as well as together. This article focuses on the sexual disorder that comes when you are traumatized by the very idea of having sex, even with somebody you love and trust.
A Quick Foreword…
When you have been sexually abused, you suffer in more ways than the average mind can comprehend. You do not have to suffer in silence, and if you are in a relationship you should not try to suffer in silence. Talking to your partner can be the most difficult thing imaginable, but withdrawing from a partner is what all too often leads to failed relationships.
These exercises are provided as a tried and tested effective plan for those who suffer post rape syndrome, who are ready to rebuild a sexual connection with a partner. All of these tips should only be followed while you are actively participating in a counseling program.
Every person is different. Some choose to stick to abstinence for the rest of their lives, as a result of the discomfort that sex can cause when you suffer post rape syndrome. Sexual abuse can take something very special and enjoyable and quickly turn it into a nightmare… and it is not as easy to flip the switch back.
If you decide that you would like to rebuild a healthy sexual life with a partner, it’s important this decision be based on your own desires (not your partners’) and, while everyone is different and there is no cookie cutter approach, there are some guidelines that should be followed.
If You Feel Uncomfortable… STOP!
Post rape syndrome is a form of post traumatic stress disorder. When you suffer post rape syndrome, the physical act of sex can be very painful- physically, mentally, and emotionally- and it’s important to stop the moment you feel uncomfortable. Many women have a difficult time with this because it can be hard to tell a partner to stop right in the middle.
Have open discussions with your partner about your feelings towards sex, and if you both agree that trying unsuccessfully is better than not trying at all… establish different ways to communicate a negative response.
Yes, this may be the most awkward thing at first, but it’s important that you do stop when you feel uncomfortable.
Stay in Control
Those who suffer post rape syndrome are prone to be sexually submissive. Rebuilding a healthy sex life requires you to face your own sexual personality and make some adjustments… because the worst position you can put yourself in is a submissive one. If you can put yourself in a dominant position, you may even find yourself more in control of the situation and, yes it can really happen… enjoying yourself.
Stay in the Moment
If your mind starts to wander, during sex with a partner, try to bring yourself back to your partner by taking in something new. Change positions, or bring yourself in to kiss his ear. Do something different that will keep you focused on the here and now.
Keep it Intimate
Obviously, rough sex is not the way to get back into the game. But there are different levels of intimate lovemaking, and you can toy with different levels among these. Perhaps a lot of candles and some massages are too comforting to put you in the mood… a lot of hugging and rubbing and kissing might be a bit better. Find your comfort zone and follow the mood where it takes you.
For many reasons, it is important to keep your eyes open. Even if your natural response during sex is to close your eyes… it is important to keep them open and focus only on your partner and yourself, together. Use all of your senses to be in the moment, and communicate your feelings without speaking. (Dirty talk can come later, if you are comfortable.)
Participate in Counseling
Both in and outside of the bedroom, you should discuss your sex life (at your own convenience) with your partner. However, there will be things you may not want to discuss with him, and counseling can help you to fully recognize and understand these things.
The bottom line is that post rape syndrome can be a very difficult sexual disorder because medication can not restore your interest in having a healthy sex life. Counseling can, and will, help when you decide to take these steps on your own.
Finally, when you are ready to work towards a healthy sex life with your partner, it’s all about trying new things together to find what works.
These following sex tips are specifically recommended for victims of post rape syndrome:
Try dressing up in lingerie. Role playing is a great way to stay focused and have a good time with a partner.
Try playing a game of strip Twister.
Anything that involves equal participation keeps it fun and active for both you and your partner. Avoid anything that puts you in a submissive position, even briefly.
There are also sex positions which are recommended specifically for those struggling with post rape syndrome.
Woman on Top
Women on top positions will give your partner a chance to relax and enjoy himself while you take full control… or you can both work together.
These are easier positions for those who aren’t experts at yoga, and can be very intimate positions. You can also change positions with minimal effort, keeping it fun and exciting.
Face to Face Positions
Nothing is more intimate than feeling completely connecting with your partner. Any position that calls for you and your partner to be face to face will keep you in the moment and focusing on what truly matters.
Standing Up Positions
Sexual positions that require you to be standing or kneeling will require your full attention, as they are a little trickier to "master." These positions are great for relieving stress and pent up energy, and nothing will keep you in the moment more.
Be bold and daring, and if you find a position too difficult to try that is okay.. trying is the fun part!
Positions to Avoid
Although it is the most common position for married couples, the standard missionary position (with him on top) is a very bad idea. It is very easy to be distracted in this position, and it is a submissive position. Also, avoid any positions in which you feel uncomfortable.
Some positions, such as doggy style, can feel partly degrading (even if you enjoy them) so it is a good idea to avoid any positions that prevent you from distinguishing the difference between the past and the present.