Tonight is my second night at the CTCA. I originally came in on Monday for my usual radiation. I felt so nauseous I went to the internal med clinic and saw my oncologist. He recommended that I go to the infusion room to get a couple of hours of hydration and some nausea medicine. After a couple hours of reading, watching TV and sleeping in the chemo infusion room, I started getting a headache. No matter what I did, it seemed as though I couldn’t get away from all of the light that was unsettling to me, and no matter what position I sat in, I just couldn’t get comfortable. Within 15 minutes of being finished with the nausea therapy, I ended up having to race to the bathroom and threw up.
The doctor finally decided to admit me to the hospital to keep an eye on me. It looked like in the notes they had I was going to be admitted anyway the next day to switch me off of the morphine onto a pain pump with methadone to see how my body reacted. Thursday would be the slotted schedule for surgery (coblation & vertebroplasty). Tonight was the first night on the methadone.
Around 7 p.m. it was lights out for me. I don’t think I have ever slept that hard in a long time. I woke up three times to go to the bathroom and each time I woke I felt like my neck and back were breaking. Since I was sleeping, I didn’t have a chance to push the pump that drips that methadone relief into my system. In the time they have hooked me up, I have only pushed the pain relief button three times. I have the ability to get access to the methadone every 10 minutes. Its kind of a double edge sword. I can’t stay awake to push the button every 10 minutes, but if I don’t then when I do wake up I am extremely sore and it feels like my back is breaking.
I think today is the first time that I actually woke up and felt sort of lonely. Here I am in this big hospital room miles and miles from my neighborhood. All of my friends are off doing fun summer trips and for the first time I am wishing, really wishing, that I was there with them. I didn’t mind being sick before and being in the hospital because I felt like at least we were working toward something. Maybe part of me felt like the doctors would catch something and say that there is a chance and this is all a big mistake. It sucks just sitting here waiting. Part of me wants to just sleep until I am better. The other part wants to take an active role in getting better, even though I am not so sure how to do that. What I can say is that I have slept so good in the past few days, I must be making up for all the times that I was in a half sleep with my cats jumping all around me.
Tomorrow will proabably be more of the same. I have radiation at 9:40 a.m. and then I will probably have docs in and out of the room all morning asking me 20 questions. I will say that it is quite hilarious the speed in which they are capable of blurting out the questions, “Pain in the stomach? Gall bladder? Family history? Siblings? Do you have pain in the T2, how about here? And here? What about here? Raise your leg? Does that hurt? Do you feel me pinching you? How about now? Headaches? Nausea? How long? ” One doc probably went through 50 questions in a matter of 10 mintues. I am just wondering what kind of answers I had given in my half-awaken state of consciousness.
I miss my friends. It seems like I have been seeing less and less of them. Maybe because I am all the way out here in Goodyear and nobody wants to drive here. I guess I don’t blame them. Wes of course doesn’t want to stay here. I do have to say that this is a night and day difference among the other hospitals. It’s like I have my own private nurse. I can’t remember her name, but she is really nice. The room even has an extra couch so visitors can stay the night with the patient. Each room has Internet capabilities and a huge flat-screen TV. Nice!
More to come tomorrow…
Link to blog: http://themelissawaller.wordpress.com/2009/07/08/overnight-stay/