Chronic Fatigue Syndrome isn't like depression. It's more like Alzheimer's.
When I can't remember what you JUST told me a second ago ... When I reach for a word and cannot find it ... When I stare at my computer and can't remember what to do with a program that I used to know like the back of my hand ... When I walk into a store and have no idea what I came in there for ...
When the thoughts are moving at lightning speed in my head, but cannot find the right spot to light, cannot lock into the right category ... I can feel it happening sometimes and it is freaky.
When I see your lips moving and hear your words but ... give me a minute because I'm having trouble processing right now ... give me a minute ...
This used to be constant for me.
The muscle and joint pain, the swelling legs and feet and arms and hands, even the body stone where everything inside whirls and sings -- all these things I could function around if I had to. I could still live a life.
But the mental kaleidoscope of intermittent imbecility was what used to do me in. No matter that I was capable of moments of brilliance. I was an idiot savant -- emphasis on the former. So what if I was sometimes smart. Too often I was out to lunch.
And you just can't make it anywhere that way.
Totally apart from the seriously physical symptoms we CFSers deal with, the mental side (take note, I did not say emotional) is a showstopper.
It is not that we do not feel well to the point of despair, as in depression.
It is more that we cannot think well. And it drives us crazy.
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I spent 15 years losing the battle against CFS. Two years ago, I found treatment that worked for me and now I am making a comeback.