It seems like some of kind of cosmic humor that pranks young, nubile women into motherhood. The stages of arousal leading to pregnancy are inextricably linked to freedom, to a certain edge, to a degree of wildness.
The very act of conception puts the breaks on wildness, particularly in our time, when so much information is available about proper prenatal care and health.
For men, the split between their sexual selves and their fathering selves is not quite so dramatic, for, clearly, their bodies do not morph into organic, incubating, feeding, nurturing water-logged homes for transforming, developing human beings for three quarters of a year.
Even mothers who do not experience pregnancy and lactation are expected to transform their personalities to some degree after becoming mothers, to dull the edge of their sexual sharpness, to recede from the playing field.
While much of this is as it should be and the natural course of events for the good of mom and babe, where does it leave women in the experience of themselves as sexual beings?
So much has been discussed with regard to men and their cheating ways, their feelings of being overwhelmed with the responsibilities of home, kids, family, and finances. It seems the stereotype of the selfless, asexual mother is thriving as of 2009; mothers still put their wildness aside as part and parcel of their daily responsibilities, and, if they do not, are vilified as somehow less than motherly, unfit.
Some of this may be changing. The term “MILF,” which is an acronym for “Mother I’d Like To F----,” is some kind of teenage male version of acknowledging the sexuality of women who have become mothers. While a certain degree of sweetness may be associated with this mentality, it is still an immature take on what is true in the experience of women; that our motherhood is an extension of our sexuality; that we cannot cut off our wildness, our edge; that burying this aspect of ourselves in grocery shopping, diaper changing and scheduled feedings does not eradicate our lust, we’ve simply extended ourselves in deeper and further directions.
As women learn to embrace their sexuality through all stages of life, we can begin to gently lead our men away from pornographic images of women who look as though they will never have children, are too young to have children, or, if they have had children, have erased them from their bodies. When we completely shut down our sexual feelings after motherhood, we buy into the cultural stereotype, which shows us that motherhood is the opposite of sexy and the Madonna/Whore split which still pervades our collective psyche.