In recent years, sex therapists have seen an alarming trend among women seeking treatment for sexual dysfunction. Many women cite their main reason for dissatisfaction in the bedroom as lack of interest on the part of their partner.
Women are often more hesitant than men to discuss their sexuality with friends and family, so the idea that a woman may be more sexual than her partner is somewhat foreign in our society. It’s assumed that our libidos are weak and we would rather “cuddle” than engage in relations.
Since our self-worth is so tied up in our partner’s perception of ourselves, disinterest in sex can have a very damaging effect on an otherwise confident woman. We often turn the blame inward on ourselves and wonder what’s wrong with us.
The truth is that men can lose interest in sex just the same as women, and often for similar reasons. Sometimes they feel stressed out by work or other factors, or disconnected to their partner due to active children and marital spats. They may also develop a poor self-image if they lose that once-toned body and start to gain weight.
The key to solving this problem is to keep the issue centered around you and your partner, instead of going outside your relationship to get what you need (sexually AND emotionally). A couple’s sex life is often an indicator of the overall strength of their relationship at any given point. Therefore, if your partner isn’t interested in sex, you may need to find a way to reconnect or improve your communication skills.
The most drastic way to do this is to seek couple’s counseling, but there are several other things you can do right in the comfort of your own home. The first of these is to simply set aside an evening (or even just an hour) to have an open, honest conversation with one another. Make a list of what you like about the relationship and what you think could be improved. Be sure to communicate to your partner that you are doing this with the goal of troubleshooting, not just tearing one another down.
Another helpful idea is to discuss with one another how many times you’d ideally like to have sex each week. Then, literally take out your planners and schedule that time in. Devote an entire hour to the bedroom, where you can do whatever you like. If you don’t feel like having sex, just be affectionate and talk about your day.
You’d be surprised at the affect that these simple activities can have on your sex life. Trying them out can put a spotlight on your need for more orgasms - and for more attention from your partner in general.
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Shaina Gaul is a feminist and freelance writer living in Iowa. View more of her writing at http://www.toasterbyte.com.