Christine and I went to the Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) to talk to the doctors today and get more in depth information on the status. There was alot of doc talk, but the main thing I took away was that the cancer is spreading faster now. The doctor is very concerned about my bones. The cancer ate through my pelvis bone wall, creating a high probability of getting a fracture. They also said that the cancer has attacked my scapula and shoulder bones. I currently don’t feel any pain in my hips, but started feeling the shoulder pain a few days ago. There was a guy that gave me a tight hug and I believe he aggrivated something there. The cancer is also in my liver now.
The radiologist came to talk to me and they are recommending radiation for palliative care and to possibly help stop the growth or slow it down. I am skeptical because I did over 30 rounds of radiation in the past and it didn’t do anything. I am willing to try anything at this point.
I could tell by the demeanor of the doctor that this is not good and very serious. I am mentally drained. I got home around 4 p.m. today and passed out until 9 p.m. My sister is coming to town on April 12 and we are supposed to go to Mexico. The doctors said it is ok if I want to go, but I am nervous about being out of the country.
I have been having stomach pains that are reminescent of when I was at St. Joes with pancreatitus. I cannot be far from a hospital in that case. The pain is too much. I spoke with my sister and we are thinking of maybe heading to Washington instead. My mother’s ashes are spread at Lake Chelan and I have not been there since. We used to go every summer for a couple of weeks so I feel this is something important to do to say goodbye.
As I mentioned before, I am mentally drained and my phone has been blowing up. I know you call care and want to know details, but please give me some time. I will call when I am ready. I need to digest this and think about some things and how I am going to proceed over the next few months. Christine is leaving on the 10th (tomorrow) and my sister doesn’t get here until the 12th or 13th, so I would love to have some company during this time.
The doctor is most likely going to have me do radiation and a new chemotherapy called Navelbine. The results from my scans all say similiar info, but here are the exact words from one of the scans. “Impression: Progression of widespread osseous metastases with cortical breakthrough and large lytic lesions involving the left illium. A possibility of fracture of left illium in multiple locations is raised. Note is made however that these areas of hypometabolic.”
The doctor is also worried because I am on my fourth or fifth line treatment. The more treatments I do, the less effective the treatments become. It’s funny because I had a bad feeling about this next PETscan. It just confirms that I know my body very well. I have been right in every instance when there has been something wrong. I don’t understand how the cancer is spreading so fast. I feel better than I have in a long time. I still have pain in my back and new pain in my shoulder along with some nausea, but overall I feel night and day different than six months ago. I feel stronger than I have in a very long time. I am really worried about getting a fracture in my hip because then I won’t be able to get around much on my own. I will probably need a walker or something. I am already annoyed that I can’t do pilates and exercise as much as I would like, but taking walking away from me is just too much.
Please everyone pray for me. I am not a religious person, but for those of you that are, please ask God to have compassion towards me. I am 32 years old and there are too many things that I still want to do. I can’t bare the thought of leaving anytime soon.
-The Melissa Waller Blog
www.themelissawaller.com/blog