When you prioritize on purpose you make a list, basically, of the most important things in your life or at that moment, or to buy at the supermarket, or whom to call at the office, or the like. You sit down, or you stand up at the kitchen counter with a cold cup of coffee and a crumbly bagel and you scratch out your list. You make a list of priorities. A To-Do List.
Yet how many of us have internal lists that we don't bother checking, changing or even looking at? Lists of priorities about our families, our children, our lack of children, our spouses or partners, our dates, our need or desire for love or affection, or our careers?
For many of us, especially if we're unhappy, our priorities run the show and we don't even bother to associate with them. Put another way, we may want a delightful relationship but, glowering there in the dark, love is on the way bottom rung of our internal, secret priority list.
Maybe it started in high school when a few relationships or dates went wrong. Your parents wanted you to study anyway, so you figured your mission in life was to get ahead, finish school, go out into the world and do your thing as successfully as possible. Sure you were lonely but you figured it was normal to be lonely and why ask for more when that was just a fantasy?
And over the years "love" became almost silly to you and got pushed way down on the list of priorities; a list you haven't put check marks on or crossed anything off of, or even looked at for years.
In reassessing our true needs sometimes we must revisit ancient, out-dated priority lists from way back. Did we make a decision about something we thought we needed that we no longer need? (perfect hair, a new wardrobe for every season, or a giant circle of friends?) Did we make decisions about things we thought we didn't need that, actually, we're withering away in pining for? (daily affection, someone to talk to, hand holding, park-walking, pets, or chocolate?)
In determining whether or not love is even in your list of priorities, you may be able to tap into the well-spring of intention that can make your existing relationship feel more like home and, if you are not in a relationship, can bring one into your life.
It's not mysterious thinking, it's just being willing to think about the mystery. Is it important to you?
It may be more important than it used to be.
Aimee Boyle lives and writes, teaches and mothers in CT.