Like many non-Americans, I didn’t have that big getting-your-license-and-keys-to-the car experience that we saw on TV. We all took public transportation, walked – and especially biked. We’d bike miles every day but admired the American kids who, at the tender age of 16, were tooling around independently in cars, driving to school and living that all-American life that we European kids admired.
Parents are filled with so many emotions when their children begin to drive. Relief not to have to drive them all over town and country roads to get where they need to go. Dread at the thought of accidents and knowing that their children are only steps away from full independence. But they have trained their children, taught them every rule of the road and issued a checklist of capabilities needed to earn that precious license. How we strive to bring our kids to adulthood, with good hearts and minds! Yet how we fight it when it looms so closely. The push-pull factors of parenthood forever intertwined!
Now fast forward to old age and the same thing happens all over again. Except this time, the adult child is the one evaluating if their parent is capable of driving. And this time around, it’s the aging parent with the dreaded thought that they may lose their independence - and are forced to look at the low points of old age deep in the eye. American teenagers are mandated by law to reach a certain age before driving. There has been talk that perhaps they then should be mandated to end that privilege when they again meet a certain age.
The elderly do have different considerations than younger drivers and they are both physical and mental. Their vision and hearing changes, as do their perceptions of distance. And if we’re honest – the elderly do tend to drive rather slowly. Even though this is often done for cautionary measures, we all know how frustrating it is to be in a no-passing zone with an elderly driver doing 20 miles an hour under the posted limit. Slow driving can also cause accidents. Illnesses like diabetes and memory loss can cause great danger on the roads.
Let’s talk about that memory loss. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, nearly five and a half million Americans suffer from Alzheimer’s. The 2010 Alzheimer's Disease Facts and Figures Report states that up to one in five persons over the age of 65 has some form of Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) . This statistic shows that road testing for adults over the age of 65 may be necessary, although it’s clear this may cause an outcry amongst the elderly. Don’t we all know someone who is nearing 90 and still living alone and volunteering at a local soup kitchen? Aren’t many world leaders over the age of 65? Do we dare question their driving capabilities? In general, no. Most elderly people are as capable of driving as anyone else. But we also know that not all of our loved ones should be driving. There comes a time for many older people to simply give up their keys – for their sake as well as others.
There are signs that the time may be near. The website Aging Parents and Elder Care suggests some of these warning signs to look for :
•Drive at inappropriate speeds, either too fast or too slow?
•Ask passengers to help check if it is clear to pass or turn?
•Respond slowly to or not notice pedestrians, bicyclists and other drivers?
•Ignore, disobey or misinterpret street signs and traffic lights?
•Fail to yield to other cars or pedestrians who have the right-of-way?
•Fail to judge distances between cars correctly?
•Become easily frustrated and angry?
•Appear drowsy, confused or frightened?
•Have one or more near accidents or near misses
•Get lost repeatedly, even in familiar areas?
So how do we delicately address our concern to our parents, without dismissing their capabilities or sounding patronizing and hurtful? We can start by getting practical. Mention that we think a physical is a good idea – tell our parents we need one too! Suggest that as we get older, we’ve noticed changes in ourselves – have they in themselves? Make sure we have alternative transportation for them – community buses, public transportation, taxis and a family-and-friend- network of available drivers. Losing independence is one of the hard facts of old age. Transitions need to be sensitive and loving – not snatching away a license or ordering a parent out of the car. But if signs are pointing strongly to an elderly parent being a danger on the roads, a doctor’s note and an evaluation by the DMV may be necessary. Removing keys – however painful for all involved – may ultimately be the only way. As grown children, our job is to combine compassion with a level-headed view of the trials that old age can bring.
It isn’t easy being that young adult, making his or her way down the literal, as well as figurative highway. Nor it is easy for the elderly driver to accept that their days behind the wheel are coming to a close. But as long as we employ warmth with wisdom, we can make the same choices with our aging parents as they did for us all those years ago. They too wanted us safe and sound behind the wheel. So decades later we need to show the same care for them now, as they did for us then.
For more information on dementia, visit the Alzheimer’s Association here: www.alz.org
To download the 2010 Alzheimer's Disease Facts and Figures Report, click here: http://www.alz.org/documents_custom/report_alzfactsfigures2010.pdf
To read more tips on warning signs that your parent may not be safe on the roads, read more on the Aging Parents and Elder Care website here:
http://www.aging-parents-and-elder-care.com/Pages/Checklists/Elderly_Drivers.html