I have been involved with a man of 47 for 2 years now. We are living together and in the first year I discovered folders called 'maybe', 'maybe definitely' etc etc when I opened them I found hundreds of women that he had downloaded from the internet stored in these folders. I was not snooping - he always leaves his laptop on and I needed to find a picture for work never dreaming I would find this - the subject matter 'maybe' is what made me open the folder/s. When I confronted him I told him that I was taken aback and wished he had told me about this but that I was prepared to accept it if we could share it together rather than him 'hide' it away from me. A few months later he was showing me pictures he had taken with his camera and in and amongst them were lots of different women in public that he had taken pictures of ...not just 1 but sometimes up to 6 or even 7 pictures - you could see that he had been following them and obviously all the women were wearing short skirts, had good legs and had high heels on. This time I was really upset and told him that this was not acceptable to me and he promised never to do this again. Meantime the filing of new girls continued and he then joined Flickr and started making contacts with women in Flickr who share naked pictures of themselves and also pictures of them in sexual positions. A few months ago he left Flickr open on his laptop and I found new pictures of a women he had followed from behind that he had put into Flickr as part of his 'gallery'. I have not told him that I know this but am besides myself. A few weeks ago I woke up one night and came into the lounge and saw him suddenly click out of a picture - I asked him why he did this when I had said I was happy to share it and that I found this behaviour very devious and was struggling to trust him. I told him that it is now so bad that when we are out together and he stares at other women I wonder if any of them are in his folders. I am not going to force him to stop because I know that won't help. The other side of the coin is that our relationship is 99% perfect except for this. He now closes his computer when he goes out, enters passwords etc all of which he never used to do. He told me that he clicked out when I came into the room because he is embarassed and my response was 'don't make your problem my problem'. He argued that he is not addicted and that it is like a hobby for him just like some men collect pictures of cars! Last night we went to a restaurant and there was a married women there that he 'spotted'. She was sitting behind him and it didn't seem to bother him that he turned right around to stare at her and she started to walk up and down past our table giving him the eye ...I am so confused. I do not know what to do. We have discussed this ad nauseum and it is not going to go away. I wish our relationship was bad because it would be so easy for me to walk out. We are 100% sexually compatible and have a stunning sex life, the best I've ever had. We are 100% compatible mentally and in every other way I could never have dreamt existed. He tells me all day every day that he loves me, he sends me the most beautiful text messages but all of this does not take away my pain. I told him that I am feeling v unsexy around him, that my sexual confidence has taken a bad knock (I am 5 years older than him) and that I generally just don't feel attractive anymore. He was previously married for 15 years and has told me that this was a huge issue in his marriage ...I have never experienced anything like this before. I actually didn't know that this existed. I am such a liberal woman and so accepting of many things most women would not accept e.g. watching porn together etc...do you have any suggestions. Its got to the point where I'm not happy to talk to him about it because its become a boring subject regurgitating the same thing again and again with no results. I am hoping that someone else has experienced this - I am at a total loss and utterly depressed. Thanks for listening, it sure helped to unbundle this in a letter.