My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. About a year into our relationship he became friends with a girl who kept telling him I wasn't good enough for him. Things started to fall apart between us and I thought he cheated on me. To this day he swears that he didn't but for 3 years after we didn't have sex but he would secretly watch porn. When I would confront him about it, he would get all weird and say nothing was the matter or that he lost his sex drive and didn't want to talk about. At the end of the 3 years, we finally got in a huge fight and he told me that I had gained weight and that seeing me naked disgusted him. I packed my bags and told him I was leaving. He apologized repeatedly and told me that that wasn't really the case, that it was really that sex between us wasn't good. I told him that I wanted to work on it but we never did. One time during those three years I initiated it and he turned me down and made me feel like awful so I have never initiated it since. We started having sex every once in a while but it has always been only when he initiates it. Last summer, I lost about 20lbs and 20 inches and we were having sex more often, like once a month and I noticed that he wasn't watching porn. Then my sister passed in October and we haven't had sex since. He stays up all night regularly (probably 5 or 6 nights a week) because he says he has work to do. I've periodically checked the history on his computer and I've found that he watches porn more than he ever did before - every day, at least once a day. He watches it when I'm home and he says he's in the office working, as soon as I come to the office he's switching screens, he watches it as soon as I leave for work and watches it multiples time during the night while I'm sleeping. I could be in the room next door and he watches it without the sound. I've asked him a few times if my weight bothers him, I've gained the weight back that I lost since my sister passed, and he always says no, that I'm beautiful and that he doesn't care how much I weigh but he won't touch me sexually. Should I be worried that he's cheating again and that he really does think I'm disgusting?