Most people I know grew up with either a sense of awe or fear of their doctor; or something along the lines of both. Almost no one I’ve ever met views their doctor as they view their hairdresser, which is so much more within their control. If they do a great job and they get along well with you, they’re in, otherwise, you take your business elsewhere.
The rare exceptions seem to be those that have been treated extensively and over long periods of time by either a trusted family physician or a wonderful doctor they somehow “found” and never let go. But for many of us, changing locations, jobs and insurance policies often leads to changing doctors and never really finding the one that feels right. Then, if we’re going along at a decent clip in most areas of our lives, we stick with a doctor even if it’s not the right one, disempowering ourselves and not advocating for excellent health care.
For whatever reason it seems we’re none too savvy about giving up on our doctors when we feel horribly uncomfortable around them. We internalize this vulnerability, shame and, in some cases real anger and blame ourselves for not being “good” at going to the doctor, or having “issues” around medical things.
In my experience at my latest doctor I have held on for almost three years getting turned away when I know my sore throat needs antibiotics, making early Saturday morning appointments because I have two children and actually had to go into work as well only to arrive and be kept waiting because the doctor was “doing a physical” on another patient (then why was I scheduled?)
Most recently, as sky – high triglycerides made their appearance in my blood work after a lab report for an application for life insurance, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor to 1) discuss the lupus diagnosis I’d been given several years ago and its connection to my gall stones, high triglycerides, etc. and 2) to really be open and honest about everything and proactively garner medical support for the future.
I was so proud of myself! And the appointment never happened due to office over booking, once again.
Weather it was my husband banging his head against the wall in frustration, my dietary changes and subsequent fretting about whether I really should be on medication or if I had brought my numbers down on my own prompted me to try once again. Last Saturday I politely dialed my doctor’s office only to be told by a frantic receptionist that they could call in an order for blood work at a local lab but couldn’t see me.
Halleluiah! The lab experience was quick, pleasant, professional and even, dare I say, friendly? And when I handed my life insurance lab blood work to the med tech on duty to show her the numbers I was here to compare, she asked what type of medication I was on. “None,” I replied, “my doctor hasn’t even seen this.” She was amazed.
At that point the reality of how shabby my medical experience had been really hit home and I realized, if my hairdresser treated me this way, I’d have packed up long ago. Also, a recent finger surgery in the presence of a surgeon and his staff so wildly efficient and pleasant opened my eyes further to the fact that a) my regular doctor had misdiagnosed my finger condition and did not even suggest further inquiry at an orthopedist’s office (my friend at work was the one who saved me there) and b) the night-and-day difference in care I received was so clear as to be upsetting. Time to move on.
Lesson learned: as much of a hassle as it can be, taking time to find the doctor that fits you well, whatever your criteria, will be a boon to your health. You will take care of problems as they arise and not put off potentially dangerous conditions. Your health will improve and, what’s more, you deserve good care.
Aimee Boyle is a regular contributor to EmpowHER. She is a special education teacher and loves being outside, even when it's very cold.