It’s the holidays, and you want to embrace the joy and happiness of the season by eating your favorite meals, giving and receiving gifts, reuniting with family and friends, and celebrating religious traditions. Most of all, the holidays are finally a time to lighten-up, re-charge and celebrate life. There’s just one thing that is standing in your way: A cancer diagnosis.
People with cancer and their loved ones can sometimes feel out of step from the rest of the world, and the holidays can prompt new questions and concerns: How do I take care of the holiday rush and myself at the same time? How can I celebrate when I have so many other things on my mind? What will my life be like next year?
Sharing these questions with people you love and who love you can help you feel more connected said Kevin Stein, Ph.D, Director of Quality of Life and Survivorship Research at American Cancer Society .
I told Kevin about these real-life situations and asked him to give us his advice on how best to handle them.
Q: I’m 37-years-old and have had breast cancer for nearly one year. My prognosis is excellent, and I am looking forward to a joyous holiday season. The problem is my family. They treat me like I am a china doll who could break at any moment. I don't need or want to be treated this way. I know my family means well, but their behavior is a constant reminder that I am ill and could very well ruin the holidays. How can I get them to relax in my presence?
Kevin Stein: It is best to talk openly with your family about your situation. Tell them directly, "I just want to enjoy our time together." Give them the freedom to treat you normally. It could be a liberating experience for all of you.
Q: My husband is not eating well, probably from his chemotherapy. I still want to have the entire family over for a New Year’s dinner, but he is reluctant. I think he is embarrassed about his health. I feel I need to do this just to feel normal again. Please help!
Kevin Stein: It is important to recognize that cancer impacts the entire family. Just like the cancer patient, the family has needs and concerns and not airing what these needs are can further complicate relationships. This wife should speak openly with her husband early enough to come to some sort of agreement and develop a plan. One such compromise might be hosting an informal buffet dinner rather than a more traditional sit-down meal where her husband’s lack of appetite might be less apparent. They might plan to host their get-together in an off-hour to avoid interfering with set routines and medications, when his stomach is less upset. The key here is to communicate and compromise so each person can have his or her needs met.
Q: I’m a three-time cancer survivor and the holidays have always been tough. Now my mother is currently going through cancer and just found out today that after the holidays, she will start treatment. What can I do to keep her from dwelling on what's ahead so she can try to enjoy the holiday season?
Kevin Stein: The most important thing here is Mom has a strong support system. While a feeling of angst and uncertainty about her treatment is natural, Mom’s support system can help her embrace life and live in the moment. They can help Mom focus on what’s happening right now by experiencing the joy of the season and being with loved ones. It’s important to take the time to appreciate what you have in your life right now. Yes, you have cancer, but there are still beautiful things in your life right now to be enjoyed. It’s important for each of us to remember there is always something good to take away from your current situation.
Kevin Stein works for the American Cancer Society's National Home Office in Atlanta, GA, where he leads research and develops evidence-base interventions to heighten quality of life for cancer patients and caregivers. In addition, he is a licensed clinical psychologist in Georgia.
Lynette Summerill is an award-winning writer who lives in Scottsdale, Arizona. In addition to writing about cancer-related issues for EmpowHer, she pens Nonsmoking Nation, a blog following global tobacco news and events.