When you go to the doctor to figure out what’s wrong with you, generally you are hoping to feel relief, to find out that you’re perfectly fine or there’s just a minor problem with an easy fix.
Sometimes it’s not that simple, and what your doctor tells you could be difficult to handle. For example, some diagnoses have a stigma attached, like mental disorders and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Although one is psychological and the other is physical, both are not looked highly upon in our society, mostly from a lack of understanding.
Here are some tips for how to handle either diagnosis. My tips are through personal experience, talking to health care professionals and taking a human sexual behavior class. Although the advice is targeted toward STIs and mental disorders, this is not to suggest that these are the worst things to happen to you. However, you might encounter negative judgments from others because of these diagnoses, so it’s useful to know how to deal with any unwanted suffering because of society’s view of these diagnoses.
STIs
1) Find out as much information as you can about the STI you are diagnosed with from your doctor and from accurate websites and textbooks. Even people without STIs should have general knowledge about STIs. With more knowledge generally comes more understanding. For example, you can learn how to eliminate the STI or at least decrease symptoms and transmission.
2) If you have a lifelong STI, like herpes or HIV, it can be more difficult to cope with a diagnosis. However, in these cases it could be helpful to seek out support groups where you can meet people with the same STI. This way you can get advice from people who have experience and have emotional support from people who understand what you’re going through. Also, talk to a counselor or trusted family member or friend. Support is necessary in any form you choose.
3) Realize that having an STI is actually quite common. According to the CDC, around one out of six people ages 14 to 49 have genital herpes. Also, “HPV is so common that at least 50 percent of sexually active men and women get it at some point in their lives,” a CDC fact sheet stated.
4) Understand that you are not a bad person because you have an STI. Married people can get STIs as well as people who are considered “promiscuous.” You can even get one the first time you have sex – condoms don’t prevent everything. Regardless which category you fall into, avoid considering yourself unworthy just because of you have an STI. Also consider the facts – some STIs can be transmitted through other avenues besides sex. For example, oral herpes can be transmitted through kissing, and many people have had cold sores, even since childhood. If you have warts anywhere, you have HPV. Like oral herpes, you can also get warts without sexual contact and in childhood. The only type of warts you should be worried about as a woman are of the cancerous strain, which is why Pap smears are important – they detect abnormal cells in the cervix that can cause cervical cancer. Basically, the stigma of having an STI has created a panic over nothing in some cases – some STIs are only as bad as the common cold and can be treated with medicine or have no actual harmful side effects (like genital warts). If they’re unpleasant to look at, they’re easily removed in most cases.
5) Inform others. The only way to remove stigma is through education. If you don’t feel comfortable telling friends and family members you have an STI, at least bring accurate information about STIs to the table in any conversation you have about them. For example, after taking a class that informed me about STIs and getting tested a few times, I have been able to fix multiple misconceptions of STIs that friends, family members and acquaintances have formed. Also, promote a general attitude of acceptance, which can include acceptance of people with STIs.
6) If you encounter people who judge you harshly because of your STI or who decide not to be friends with you because of that, realize that they have other issues going on to prevent them from being good friends in the first place. An STI shouldn’t be a reason for anyone to de-friend you. That being said, for romantic relationships involving intimacy, you have to understand that there are risks of transmitting STIs to your partner, so they have a right to be concerned. You should always inform partners of your STI before having any sexual contact. You might find people without STIs that don’t mind your condition, but if not there are always dating sites to help you find someone who has the same STI. Regardless, always be careful and do research on ways your STI can be transmitted so you can keep others safe.
7) If you’ve had multiple partners in the past or didn’t worry about STIs, think of this as a new learning experience. You can force yourself to put off sex for longer and make a non-physical connection, if that was ever a problem for you in the past. For any new partners, make sure they are also tested for other STIs, even if they say they are fine with yours or if they say they only have the STI you have. Many STIs don't have symptoms, which is how you probably got your STI to begin with. So, have any new partners because you don't want to risk getting another STI. Also, this allows you to be more in-tune with your physical health than even before your STI came into play.
Mental disorders
If a doctor or mental health professional diagnoses you with a mental disorder, like depression or anxiety or borderline personality disorder, most of the above tips can be useful. For example, doing your own research on a disorder you have can make you feel empowered and knowledgeable about yourself.
Also, having a strong support network is important. People with mental disorders can have abnormal behavior and thoughts, so sometimes it can be difficult to make and keep friends because there is a lack of understanding and acceptance. However, being social is a part of human nature, and everyone needs friends. It’s useful to explain to others how they can help you or what to do in situations where you have higher levels of abnormal behavior, at least if they’re with you on a regular basis.
For people with mental disorders, therapy is an important tool for coping. It is completely normal to see a therapist – even people without mental disorders go to therapists – so avoid associating negativity and shame with therapy. Talking out your problems with a professional and working on ways to improve yourself can only be positives. You probably received your diagnosis from a psychologist or therapist in the first place, so make sure you find the right therapist for you and be consistent in your sessions so you have the chance to work on long-term issues.
Another great thing to do after receiving a diagnosis is to find articles and books about people with similar experiences. There are many books that can be uplifting and informative, and you can learn how other people coped with difficult situations and conditions. You might even learn how to help yourself that way. You can even become a mental health advocate by spreading your knowledge and experiences to others.
Don’t focus on the negative. Although many mental disorders are stigmatized, they are also more publicized than ever before, and lots of people have at least a general idea of disorders like depression and anxiety. Don’t hide because of your diagnosis – think of it as a way to know how to improve yourself and feel better. There are always new treatments and research coming out to help people feel healthier and more equipped to handle life. Without labels and categories, life is harder to understand, so only think of a diagnosis as a better way to describe something that’s going on in your life.
Remember, even with a diagnosis you are still the same, wonderful you!
What tips do you have for dealing with a diagnosis? Have you ever been criticized or judged harshly because of a diagnosis? How did you deal with it?
Sources:
http://www.cdc.gov/std/healthcomm/fact_sheets.htm