Ah, Valentine's Day. A celebration of love and romance, pink hearts and red flowers, a rush to the online rose lady or the corner bouquet, the flower section next to the broccoli at the grocery store or just a simple card. Whatever you do for Valentine's Day, whether you are proposing marriage to your main squeeze, going out to eat or see a movie, buying jewelry or receiving it, there's a bit of pressure. If you don't happen to have a main squeeze, Valentine's Day can be excruciatingly bittersweet, as you lock your heart away and pretend you don't care or, if you're a maverick, you really don't care and in that case, it's just Monday, February 14, and what the heck, maybe you'll have a piece of chocolate or two.
My take on Valentine's Day is this:
If I don't feel loved and loving all the other days of the year, why on Earth would the calendar reminding me to feel loved or loving prompt those feelings and how would they actually be real or mean anything at that point?
In a difficult relationship, the last thing you really want to do is hold hands in the dark or spend loads of money on restaurants and "stuff" - if you're feeling resentful, it will feel phony and put on to do this. I know a lot of relationship experts talk about making kind overtures and being the person who remains loving to receive love - but being forced to do it almost always backfires.
And, conversely, if you're in a healthy relationship, in a good place, every day or moment with your sweetie is real and feels good, most of the time. You're not going to need a "special day" to cultivate those feelings.
So my perspective is, when you kiss me on November 20, April 2, July 12, and February 14, kiss me like you mean it and I'll do the same, and then I don't need a dozen roses on Valentine's Day, I don't need no diamond ring, and I would hope to golly that you'd feel full on my daily love and affection and wouldn't require a fancy night in a hotel.
I'm not a Valentine's Day Grinch, and I love restaurants and flowers, massages and jewelry. But I need and love the real, life sustaining, consistency of a warm and authentic relationship more, so if you kiss me like you mean it, Valentine's Day won't cost you a thing.
Aimee Boyle lives, works and writes in CT. She is a mother by trade and nature and contributes regularly to EmpowHER.