Christmas and New Year is not always a time of good will and cheer and is not always enjoyable to everyone. Some people may be separated or divorced, there may be disagreements over where the children spend Christmas or tensions with stepfamilies.
Some people don’t have any family. Maybe they’ve lost touch, fallen out or people have died. Whatever the reason, there will be a portion of society sitting by themselves this Christmas.
Even in families that don’t have these problems, there is an extra strain on the finances, pressure to fit in visits to all the relatives, discussions over which mother-in-law to invite this year and unrealistic ideas about making the whole season perfect.
Depression rates increase over the holiday season. The Mood Disorders Association in Ontario and the Toronto Distress Center in Canada both have an increased number of calls during November and December, but the call rates return to normal in January. Their observations are backed up by scientific studies on the subject.
If your family Christmas and New Year ends up more like an episode of a soap opera and you dread it every year, perhaps you have made a New Year’s resolution to enjoy it this time and to handle stressful situations differently.
Here are a few tips to help you achieve your goal:
1. If you are divorced or juggling with stepfamilies and both you and your ex want the kids for Christmas, you could arrange that one of you has them at Christmas and one at New Year. Or if you can’t bear to be without them, one parent could have them on Christmas morning and the other in the afternoon.
Try to iron out all the arrangements well in advance so that you aren’t arguing during the festivities. If you and your ex don’t have a civil relationship, then you could hire a mediator to help you decide what the arrangements will be. This is done in counseling sessions.
If you are panicking about being on your own when the children are at your ex’s house, you could arrange to go to a friend or relatives house for a meal. If you can’t do this, you could have some "me" time. Save that secret box of chocolates, a new DVD and the leftover party food so you can still enjoy yourself while they aren’t there.
2. If you don’t have any relatives you could go on holiday. There are Christmas-themed holidays where you have a communal Christmas dinner with the other holiday-goers. Some companies run "Winter Sun" holidays so you could even go sightseeing abroad.
Other ideas to ease the agony of a lone Christmas include volunteering. Many elderly people are also on their own and there are organizations that help you invite them into your home for Christmas. That way you both get to have company, you improve a vulnerable person’s experience of Christmas and you help out a charity at the same time.
You could also consider helping out at a homeless center or other worthwhile cause. If you are religious you could ask your church community for companionship.
3. If finances are tight, there are various ways to ease the strain on the wallet. You could buy second-hand presents. It is recycling that is "green" for the planet.
You could put back a few dollars each week for the year so that you have a lump sum to spend at Christmas. Food can be purchased a little bit at a time over several weeks as many items can be frozen or have long sell by dates. Only the vegetables and meat have to be purchased directly before Christmas.
You could also make a rule that you are only getting gifts for children or you could bake a huge batch of cupcakes and give everyone a cupcake instead of getting in debt buying expensive presents. For parties, ask that everyone bring a bottle of wine or some food and then you don’t have large food bills.
4. If your family are known for arguing, avoid the trigger subjects that you know are likely to cause tension and use distraction techniques if the conversation is getting out of hand. If you don’t get along with some relatives, limit their visits to a few hours instead of all day or choose another day to have them, such as the day after Christmas.
You could also try counting to ten, taking a deep breath or going into another room briefly if they stress you.
Sources:
Christmas - tips to reduce the stress, Better Health Channel. Web. 18 December 2011. http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Christmas_tips_to_reduce_the_stress
Suicide Statistics, Canadian Mental Health Association. Web. 18 December 2011. http://www.ontario.cmha.ca/fact_sheets.asp?cID=3965
Reviewed December 19, 2011
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith