Any type of abuse against a woman is unacceptable. Domestic or physical abuse of women can leave a physical mark. But, verbal abuse is another story.
Verbal abuse may be the worst type of abuse because it can leave psychological scars. Also, many victims of verbal abuse do not realize they are being abused. Verbal abuse falls into the category of emotional abuse.
Movies like ʺBlue Valentine,ʺ ʺPreciousʺ and ʺFull-Metal Jacketʺ all feature scenes of different types of verbal abuse.
One scene which sent shivers up my spine was in the movie ʺBlue Valentineʺ with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.
There is a scene where the character Jerry verbally abuses his wife in front of his daughter. Jerry harshly criticizes and yells about his wife’s cooking abilities and the meal she served to the family.
Two things happened at this dinner table. The family views the father’s abuse as normal behavior and the young daughter sees the abuse as normal.
In the future relationships, the daughter may seek out this type of relationship which she may view as normal. However, this is far from reality. Verbal abuse is abuse.
Verbal abuse undermines a person’s self-esteem and is used as a form of control by the abuser.
Verbal abuse is yelling or shouting threats and is a form of manipulation and/or humiliation. Also, this abuse can be in the form of blame or jealousy.
The following are signs of verbal abuse. This information was compiled from University of Michigan Health System, HelpGuide.org and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Office on Women’s Health websites.
You may be in a verbally abusive relationship if your partner says any of the following:
• "If I can't have you then no one can."
• ʺF^$* You!ʺ
• ʺI don’t know why I put up with you!ʺ
• ʺYou look disgusting.ʺ
• ʺYou’re crazy!ʺ
• ʺYou’re so stupid!ʺ
• ʺYou’ll never be good enough to do that.ʺ
• ʺNobody else would ever want you.ʺ
• ʺYou always twist things around.ʺ
• ʺYou are worthless.ʺ
Also, you may be in a verbally abusive relationship if your partner does any of the following:
• Destroys your belongings
• Decides things for you that you should decide (like what to wear or eat)
• Humiliates or yells at you
• Criticizes or puts you down
• Treats you badly in front of your friends or family
• Controls how you spend your money
• Ignores or puts down your opinions or accomplishments
• Tries to stop you from going to work or school
• Blame you for their abusive behavior
• Has bad and unpredictable temper
• Threatens to hurt or kill you
• Threatens to take your children away or harm them
• Threaten to commit suicide if you leave
Womenslaw.org offers an ʺAm I Being Abused?ʺ checklist at
http://www.womenslaw.org/simple.php?sitemap_id=38
Unfortunately, verbal abuse can escalate to physical abuse. According to the University of Michigan, Health Center, verbal abuse does not get better over time.
If you believe you are in a verbally abusive relationship, help is available. It may take some time and effort to get you the help you need. Seek individual counseling for you and/or your children.
If you decide to work on the relationship, your partner also needs to seek counseling. Also, you may need to develop an exit strategy if you decide to leave your partner.
Here are some sources if you feel you are in an abusive relationship. These sources are available 24/7. They can provide you with additional sources if you need immediate shelter from a physically abusive partner:
• The National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE (7233) or
800-787-3224 (TDD)
• The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline, 866-331-9474 or 866-331-8453 (TDD)
• The National Sexual Assault Hotline, 800-656-4673
References:
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships.
Helpguide.org: Expert, ad-free articles help empower you with
knowledge, support & hope.. Retrieved January 3, 2012, from
http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_e...
Emotional Abuse | University of Michigan Health System. University of
Michigan Health System. Retrieved January 3, 2012, from
http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/aha/umemot_abuse.htm
Emotional abuse | womenshealth.gov . womenshealth.gov . Retrieved
January 3, 2012, from
http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/types-of-violence/emo...
Verbal Abuse. Leadership University. Retrieved January 3, 2012, from
http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/verbalabuse.html
Wagner, R. What are the Signs of Verbal Abuse in a Relationship? |
eHow.com. eHow | How to Videos, Articles & More - Discover the expert
in you. | eHow.com. Retrieved January 3, 2012, from
http://www.ehow.com/about_5048379_signs-verbal-abuse-relationship.html
Reviewed January 4, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith