When there are two or more children in one family, there will almost always be some sort of sibling rivalry.
The number of kids in the family, how close they are in age, and if they are the same sex are all factors which will influence just how much of this rite of passage parents have to deal with during the childhood years.
The majority of siblings will swing widely back in forth between being the best of friends and sworn enemies, but there are ways to lessen the pendulum swings and create more peace in the family.
The first step is to understand what is causing the rivalry in the first place. It may be simple jealousy or competiveness that starts the arguments, but there may also be other issues at play.
Individual personalities and temperaments, evolving needs at various developmental stages, stress in the family, and their role models (their parents) all factor into the amount and severity of the fighting.
If there is a sick, injured, or special needs child in the family, this may also cause an imbalance or disparity on many levels and can lead to arguments and more rivalry.
When fighting between siblings does occur, the best advice for parents is to not get involved. As much as Mom or Dad want to step in and help solve the problem, it is typically better for the children to figure it out for themselves.
The exception to this rule is if there’s a danger of physical harm.
By not stepping in, kids can stop waiting for a parent to rescue them and they can learn to work out the problem on their own. Also, when parents do step in, they can look like they are taking sides or favoring one child over another.
If the children cannot come to a happy conclusion on their own, it is fair for parents to coach them through the situation. The key is resolving the issue with the children, not for them.
Physically separating kids until they are calm will help everyone think through the problem more clearly. Some time to themselves might be needed before rehashing everything to find a solution.
Once the parent is able to get the children talking calmly to each other again, it's important not to put emphasis on which one is to blame for the argument, but rather look for a win-win situation.
While sibling rivalry can be exhausting to parents, it is through these arguments that children can learn valuable coping skills, as well as learn about negotiation, cooperation, and compromise.
Helping children have fun with each other as a family unit can also go a long way in easing tensions and creating strong bonds to get them through the arguments.
Sources:
“Sibling Rivalry”. Kidshealth.org. Web. 29 April 2012. http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/sibling_rivalry.html#
“Sibling Rivarly”. Med.UMich.edu. Web. 29 April 2012. http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/sibriv.htm
Reviewed May 29, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith